by Anisah Bright

Created on: July 28, 2009

Coming up, holidays were a big deal in my family. Typical family get together, eating laughing, and making plans. But, there is always the uncle who claims to be the chef, the two uncles who always think they're right, and the uncle who normally is right. There is one Thanksgiving that I can vividly remember as a good Chevy Chase movie. It all started well enough, everyone happy to see one another, connections being put back together, the great debate between the two "right" uncles, and a sense of home. Family stuff. Things that make you look forward to the next get together.

Then there is the part of the night when some adults have had one too many. This is the part of the night that kept my cousins and I up for the rest of the night with laughter. The "Chef" of the family is told, matter of factly, that the rice was under done, and the gravy was burned; by the "always right" uncle. A hail of words are thrown, which turn way off of the subject, and end in the ultimate intoxicated "Last stand" by the "Chef". "You keep my "F"ing wife's mouth out of your "F"ing name!" Now, in his mind I'm quite sure it came out the way he intended, because he didn't bother to correct it. Of course the use of curse words only made things worse. Things quickly escalated into threats of bodily harm that can only be translated as strange and unusual punishment. Such as: "I will kick you a period!"

For four adolescents, it has to be the most humorous episodes of our lives. For all of our parents, (which weren't involved), this was a wreck. All of the uncles were grabbed by the collars, and received threats involving a couch and the stink eye by their wives. My cousins and I begged to spend the night so we could spend most of the night laughing and reenacting different events. My younger cousin, who is about two years younger than I am does the best role of my uncle the "chef". That uncle is actually his step-dad, and he's always been able to topple us over laughing hysterically with his impersonations.

After dinner was cleaned up, and some of our parents left, we anticipated a night of pure comedy. But little did I know there would be more laugh at. My eldest cousin, who is three years older than I am, and an all around "goody two shoes", decided to give his girlfriend a call and tell her about the whole night. He'd been on the phone for quite a while so the rest of, being younger, decided we were bored and wondered upstairs. The same younger cousin, who is also the eldest little brother, didn't tell us what he had planned. He may not have even known he was going to do it until the last minute. He signaled for us to follow him back down the stairs. About mid way, he gave us the sign to stop. He continued down into the living room. Now from where we stood, we were out of sight, but could see exactly what was going on. While my exhausted aunt, (his mother), lay sleep on the couch, my eldest cousin talked away on the phone. Then he did it. He calmly walked over to the VCR, popped in the tape, turned the volume up, and walked away. The rest of us were completely confused. He walked past us on the stairs with the most smug smile we had ever seen. Then it happened! Suddenly the room boomed with the sound of a porno! We all scurried upstairs giggling, squealing, and snorting. When we made it back to the room, we heard the whole out come: "What the hell are you watching!" only to be followed up with: "I swear I was on the phone, I didn't do it!" But hey, who can argue with hard evidence.

Although most holidays in our family are never boring, and would make great stories for our grandchildren; I highly doubt we can top that one.

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