by Stephen Lemire

Created on: July 27, 2009

How we come to accept the diagnosis of a life-altering illness is not one we think about unless we're faced with it's impact head-on and, usually, when we least expect it. Looking back I realize that my acceptance did not come at once, but rather in phases, as I learned to understand it and to live with it over time. My experience taught me to recognize four stages from acceptance to recovery: intellectual understanding, ego recovery, spiritual development, and letting go of regret and lost opportunity.

Moving through these steps has been an ongoing process. I've had to retrace my steps at times, and not until I had understood most of them was I ready to begin recovery. Some individuals may not experience these stages in any set sequence; others may experience only some of them. However, it can be valuable to look at the acceptance of a major illness through this framework, even if it only prompts you to create your own objective, structured point of view.

The first level, intellectual understanding provides the foundation for the levels to follow. Here the issue to be addressed is confusion. By reading, researching, and asking questions of others (both professionals and those experiencing the illness), I was able to understand the diagnosis objectively. I realized I was going down a road that I never knew existed before, and needed a new map to guide me. I had to design an appropriate treatment plan, including clinicians, medication, family and friends, and other built-in supports.

The second level, ego recovery, involved a more personal level where feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy must be faced. I was challenged to ask myself questions such as, What did I do wrong? Did I not take care of myself? Am I defective? Did I miss obvious warning signs? It was not until I accepted the illness on a subjective level that I realized that I was biologically predisposed to get it.

On the next level, spiritual development, new avenues of growth continued to open. I initially experienced feelings of abandonment and victimization, constantly returning to the question, Why me? My comfort level increased as I began to believe that there were lessons for me to learn as I went through this painful experience. Ultimately, I felt that I was to use this experience to help others. Working on this level has been an ongoing process. On one hand, it has helped me re-create my value system concerning moral beliefs and appreciate the importance of participating in family and

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