by Anisah Bright

Created on: July 27, 2009   Last Updated: March 28, 2011

The statistics of divorce has risen at a staggering rate. But if we look at the economy, the rise of STD's, and the amount of illegitimate children, it's not really much of a mystery. The real challenge is knowing when to leave. There are so many roles played that can be a major factor in staying.

Here are a few:

(1) Time can be considered a factor. It's never easy to leave what you have become accustomed to. To venture out into a brave new world, and someday meet new people, can be frightening. The longer you're with a person, the harder it is to leave.

(2) Character is what makes us who we are. Two people can match perfectly as far as character is concerned, but can both be miserable as a couple. One can feel; "He/she is hilarious and fun to be around.", but what is not realized, is that these are the characteristics of a friendship. Let's be honest, friends can be found very frequently. It takes more than just being a good friend.

(3) Sexual conduct in a relationship, although rarely admitted, means a couple has to be sexually compatible. As simple as this subject may seem, it is far more complex than it is given credit. For instance, a person who has been sexually molested as a child or sexually assaulted in general, may not have what would be considered a normal or fulfilled sex life. People in these categories, have their own ways of coping. Some are completely turned away from sex all together, or don't consider sex a big deal. Some people become addicted to sex and crave sexual attention. They'll mistaken sex as a tool, a comfort, acceptance, and worse of all love.

(4) Understanding and being an open minded spouse, leaves a lot of room for improvements. To take the time out to really understand and know who each other is and where they stand, gives a couple a "blue print" on what to work on.

A person should quit only when the "we" becomes an " I " . When time, character, sex, and understanding/an open mind, become impossible to uphold. Then, and only then, can one began to question their marriage. Any physical abuse is an absolute reason to leave. Rather the aggressor is a male or female, the major factors does not count any longer. Unless a person agrees and actually take the appropriate steps to get help, can major factors even be considered. It has to be understood that any physical misconduct is not acceptable. Bodily harm does not mean a person does not love you. There is seriously a psychological disorder that needs medical attention that needs to be looked at as such. There is a lot of denial on the abusers part; a simple slap is considered as "I lost my temper". Most people feel the abuse has to be extreme or is a result substance abuse. This misconception is why the abuse last for so long and escalates on a bigger scale. In this scenario, the abused can become an enabler. Creating excuses, and going to the extreme of blaming themselves.

When you have lost who you are, when you've lost your self worth, when you have lost the worth of your spouse, it is time to let it go. Some things broken , can not always be fixed. Understanding the value of your marriage, and what it's cost, (figuratively speaking), will give you a clue if it is time to pack it in.

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