by Betty Jo Hawkins

Created on: July 27, 2009   Last Updated: August 12, 2009

When someone you know or love has breast cancer they are going to need your support, love, and understanding. They may go through many phases. The first phase may be denial. They may act as though they do not have cancer. Some patients will not even seek medical attention until the process has reached an advanced state. They may begin to lose weight then someone, be it a family member or friend, may notice the changes occurring in them and suggest they get medical attention.

The second phase may be anger. Why has this happened to me? What did I do to deserve this? Why has god let this happen to me?

The third stage may be acceptance. They have come to accept what has happened to them. Some may be terminal and some may have a positive outlook for the future.

Regardless of the stage of the cancer, all cancer patients will have ups and downs. You let them set the pace. Let them know that you are there for them. Don't try to treat them like they are helpless. Be a sounding board for them. Ask them what you can do for them and be prepared to do it. Depending on the type of treatment they are getting some days will be better than others. There are many cancer society web sites and support groups, look for them in your area. Their chemotherapy provider may be able to give you a list of support groups. Offer to go with them and provide them the transportation. They can meet people who have been through what they are going through and those people can give them the confidence they may need to overcome some of the fears they are having. It is better to get advice from someone who has been through what you are going through.

They may experience hair loss and this can be difficult for many women. Some will wear hats and some will wear wigs. If they bring it up, or you feel comfortable enough to offer to help them, you can help them shop for hats or wigs. Some don't mind not having hair and don't feel a need to hide it.

Another complication for women with breast cancer may be the loss of a breast. Some are OK with just having a mastectomy and others feel it is a loss of their feminine side. Some will want to have breast reconstruction. This can be done several ways and needs to be decided by the physician and the patient. Some older patients do not feel a need to have the breast reconstruction.

Breast cancer, as with any type of cancer, can be a diagnosis that no one wants to be given. The younger the patient, the harder it is to accept the diagnosis. It is sad when anyone or any family has to face such a diagnosis. The most important thing they can do for the loved one is keep a positive outlook and encourage them to have a positive outlook and keep up their spirits. Find those support groups, do fund raisers if you have to try to make the patient's life as stress-free as possible. Accept help from friends and family as well as organizations within your community. Be a true friend and help out with chores and everyday things that they may not be able to do. This alone will take a huge weight off their shoulders as they are recovering. If they have young children help take care of them, provide transportation for them to their activities. Try to keep their everyday lifestyle as normal as possible. Sometimes the immediate family members may also need support groups, Helping them help their family deal with the diagnosis is a burden they won't have to do while they are in need of care. Be sure as a friend or family member not to over-step your ground, let the patient still have control over their life but give all the moral support you can and be reliable at all times.

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