If you arrive at college as only child, fresh from having your every wish catered to by doting parents, you are in for a rude awakening. This is particularly true if your parents prepared you for a fastidious lifestyle free of dust and mortal cares. Chances are your roommate will be a slob who often allows yesterdays lunch to congeal somewhere in the vicinity of the trashcan but somehow, miraculously, never in the trashcan.
So, how do you free yourself from this inhuman torture? How do you get rid of your roommate? Well, first things first. Murder and poisoning are off the list. They are illegal and will result in your receiving an even worse roommate. Should you try these illegal methods to eliminate your current roommate, your next roommate will weigh twice as much as you, be a foot taller than you, have contracted a communicable social disease, and think you're cute.
So we are agreed that we must stick to legal means for eliminating your roommate. One of the first ways that might occur to you is to somehow become more annoying. If are a fastidiously little mama's boy then you could hardly be more annoying and yet that has not driven your roommate away. What are you going to do become more annoying? Insist on washing the walls with vinegar every other day and ammonia on alternate Wednesdays? Even you couldn't stand to be in the room under those circumstances so that defeats the purpose.
You can't out-messy the dude; he's an expert; you are a rank, rank amateur. However, even messy people have things they think are gross - like giant Madagascar hissing cockroaches for instance. Or tarantulas. If you start a research project that requires that you keep white mice or anything your roommate might find annoying in your room, he might take the opportunity to move out. What is best in these circumstances is a two pronged attack. You should simultaneously be looking for someone who is more compatible with your roommate. A fellow slob perhaps. So you give your obnoxious roommate a way out at the same time that you give him a reason to leave.
Just as there are 50 ways to leave your lover there are at lest 50 ways to leave your roommate. If getting him to leave is a nonstarter then you need to leave. You could try joining a fraternity. Then you could have 50, more annoying roommates, all of who are slobs who drink too much and think it's funny to yak in your trashcan.
If at all possible, get off campus and move into your own place. One of the best ways to do this is the use the Massachusetts Senator John Kerry School of dating and find your self a single billionaire. I don't exactly how Senator Kerry managed that maneuver but I would suggest finding a cause that only wealthy young single women care about. Saving lame, mutant polo ponies might be good. Attend their meetings and contrive to date the most undateable women in the group. Yes I said date the most difficult billionairess you can find. You need an edge in this game. If you can't put up with your roommate, that's fine. But you have a billion reasons to put up with a really rich woman. Once you get her to buy the lie that you are a good guy, move in with her and use her wealth to shield you from her bad habits. As the saying goes, once you can fake sincerity, the world is your oyster.