by Katherine Born

Created on: July 26, 2009

If there was a hot list of issues married couples argue over, household chores would surely be in the top 10, if not the top 5. Of course, married couples don't have a corner on the chore-arguing market: children surely come in first (at least in the arguing department), followed closely by roommates and then couples, married or just cohabiting. By the time you get married, you've had a lifetime of experience doing more or less around the house. How to settle chores up once married, though...that's where the rubber hits the road.

If you're reading this article, you're probably married and not content with how the chores are currently being divided. Or perhaps instead you're engaged and doing your best to get prepared for the life to come! Either way, the first lesson in marriage is this: You are not alone. For better or worse, you've agreed to live with your spouse through dirty socks, stinky dishes and dust bunnies. Wait, that wasn't in my vows! Well, it is now. But don't despair - household cleaning does not have to become ground zero of the break up of your marriage (like it was for a step-cousin of mine - I still have a hard time believing dirty socks on the floor led to the total dissolution of their marriage, but since I've been married it's become a little more believable. Just a little.)

Going back to the first lesson, it becomes obvious that whatever agreements are reached over chores, it has be decided together. This means both spouses have willingly agreed to the rules; Not been badgered into agreeing and then secretly crossing their fingers behind their backs. Whatever process you choose to split chores, there is a much better chance that your agreement will stick if both of you are committed to it. If you are experiencing excessive nagging and sniping over simple tasks it is a good sign that at least one person is no longer committed to the household chore split. An honest evaluation, done without shouting, is the first step to peace in the house.

A good rule of thumb for every marriage is to believe the best of your spouse; in this case, to believe they are not intentionally trying to ruin your day/week/month by forgetting to do one of their chores. This may be hard but it is usually true of most marriages that both people are not committed to making life miserable for the other person. There are exceptions, of course; I knew one couple where the husband threw peanut shells onto the kitchen floor intentionally as a kind of

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