by Robert Codey

Created on: July 25, 2009

Some may not find this story so much funny as it is shocking, but I'll allow you to be the judge of your own reactions. I'll refer to my friend from youth as "Frank". I call him this with a conspicuous nod to the fact that "Frank" looked like a heavy metal version of Frankenstein. He was over 6 feet tall and more than 200 pounds with long, straight brown hair that fell well below his eyes. He would regularly sweep the hair from in front of his eyes while talking to you, or keep his head tilted to one side as he listened to you speak so the hair in front of his eyes would fall in a manner that would not obstruct his view of you. A heavy metal t-shirt and ever present Levi jeans were his uniform has he clomped about in his brown work boots, frequently pumping his fist and banging his head to the latest heavy metal song.

Frank had a brown Pontiac Firebird Trans Am, a really hot and fast car. On this one night he was partying in Newark. From what he told me and what the police report later also said, Frank imbibed over a case of Budweiser and had ingested heroin and LSD. I'd imagine driving under the influence of one of these intoxicants would certainly be enough to impair a driver, but I couldn't imagine how a person under the influence of a case of beer, heroin AND LSD could even get the keys in the ignition, let alone operate the vehicle. Unfortunately for Frank, he was able to get his keys in the ignition and get his car on the road.

For Frank, Route 280 was the highway home from Newark. At one point, Route 280 splits off near Newark and 5 lanes just end at a T-shaped traffic light on a Newark street while the rest of Route 280 continues westward. Attempting to navigate his way home while tripping his face off on LSD, drunk and zonked out on heroin, Frank came across this intersection and decided it would be a good way to get on Route 280 from Newark. In his inebriated state, Frank didn't realize he was on the wrong side of the highway. Route 280 has a concrete barrier separating the westward and eastward bound lanes, and Frank was traveling west on the eastward bound lanes.

Needless to say, driving the wrong way down major highways is something that is generally frowned upon for obvious reasons. It was deep into the darkest part of the night, after 4am, so the highway was empty as Frank tooled down Route 280 on the wrong side of the highway. As he drove along Frank saw an entrance ramp which, of course, looked like an exit ramp to him since he was on the wrong side of the road.

He smacked head on into a car on the entrance ramp attempting to get on Route 280. Luckily, nobody was seriously hurt in the accident.

So kids, please, if you're going to do LSD, heroin and drink a case of beer, please be certain to have a designated driver.

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