by Tere Scott

Created on: July 25, 2009   Last Updated: July 26, 2009

Statistics on miscarriage vary. The most common sources say that approximately 1 out of every 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. But, because many losses occur before a positive pregnancy test is used, some statistics imply that as many as 40-60% of all pregnancies will end in miscarriage. This means that whether we realize it or not, most of us probably know a woman who has experienced a miscarriage. Or, if you are woman and have been pregnant more than once, chances are you have possibly experienced a miscarriage yourself.

When a woman experiences a loss through miscarriage, it can be devastating. Her emotions are being washed with pregnancy hormones that have risen and then crashed in her body. So, things may not appear clear to begin with. Also, though some may believe or imply that she just lost a blob of meaningless tissue, this is not what happens when a miscarriage occurs. The tissue and "material of miscarriage" that she is losing was a fertilized egg that was beginning the formation and development into becoming a baby she wanted to hold. She has lost a baby who has not had a chance to complete development long enough to survive outside of the womb. Since miscarriage is defined as any loss occurring within the first 20 weeks of pregnancy, the term encompasses a variety of stages in this development. She may also lose all the hopes and dreams that she had for that child. She may mourn not only the loss of a baby, but the loss of what she had hoped her future, and her arms, would hold. She may feel as though her belly is a living grave when it should have been life giving. Her arms may feel so very empty. She may be watching other friends bringing home their newborns & holding them. But, for her there is nothing in her arms to hold - no healthy infant - often, no one even to hug and understand. She might even wonder what she did to cause this. This particular emotion can be extremely strong if she had feelings of surprise or shock and possibly feelings of not wanting to be pregnant before the loss occurred. She may feel extremely guilty in this case as though her negative thoughts somehow caused the loss. However, she most likely did nothing wrong whatsoever to cause the miscarriage. Add to these emotional and physical changes she is experiencing, in many cases the miscarriage can linger on for several days, and the after affects can last for as long as 6 weeks.

During this time of loss, there are things that are helpful and things that are not

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