by P. Payne

Created on: July 24, 2009

Being independent does not necessarily mean being alone. A person can be alone and be independent, but also can be independent surrounded by other people.

Independence means freedom from dependence on another person, or from being controlled by another person or entity. A person who lives in a household with roommates, parents, a girlfriend or boyfriend, husband or wife can still be independent. Any living situation is going to have elements that can't be controlled, whether that means taking care of your home, establishing rules for living together, or following society's laws. But, each person can be independent about a myriad of other things.

Independence means having the ability to make everyday decisions that affect your life. It isn't necessary to consult someone else to decide what to wear or whether to go shopping, or whether it's all right to visit your sister. Independence means having the ability to take care of your own business, such as paying the bills or keeping track of appointments. It means being able to hold a job.

There are many people who cannot make the simplest decisions on their own because they do not have confidence and fear making the wrong decision. They seem to need someone else's approval to function. In some cases, they might be in an abusive situation and avoid making decisions because another person is controlling them. Others may have grown up in a situation where parents took care of everything and they did not develop a sense of independence.

Developing a sense of independence begins from infancy. When a baby is learning to sit up, chances are, he or she is going to fall over many times. When the baby starts walking, the baby is going to fall over, is likely to bang his or her head, and will end up with a few bruises. If mom or dad hover over children, catch them every time they fall, and make a big deal out of every incident, the parents are instilling in the child's mind they are always going to take care of everything. They are preventing the child from experiencing the very things that help them learn to do things on their own and become independent.

As children grow, if mom and dad continue to take care of everything for them, the idea that someone else will always be there to take care of things continues. It might be letting the child get by without helping around the house, or taking up for them in school situations even when the child is wrong.

Learning to be independent and developing the ability to take care of yourself and your own business and living situation, alone or with others, requires experiencing a few bumps and bruises along the way.

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