The idea of a predestined romantic partner is deeply steeped in our culture. We have myriads of romantic novels, romantic comedies and even personal stories that seem to perpetuate the myth of the soul mate. The idea of a soul mate is steeped in one of the most pervasive human myths that we continually generate. The idea that somehow life will always work out for all of us.
Life doesn't work out beneficially for us all. Romance particularly is filled with pitfalls. I sometimes wonder whether the majority of people are unhappy in their relationships. With over 50% of women in the UK claiming that they have been a victim of domestic abuse (verbal, physical and economical) and a larger extent going unknown, the idea that somewhere a perfect Mr. Right exists for women is a dangerous thought. It leaves people chasing after the image of a perfect Prince Charming which ultimately leaves some people staying in detrimental relationships because they believe that their partners are the one.
What many people do not realise is that a perfect partner does not exist for us all. Innumerable amounts of potential mates exist for us all. The ones we eventually learn to love are not necessarily soul mates or even particularly special, they are rather the result of environment and various other factors that come into play to form romance. If at all it is present in a relationship.
Of course we can find partners who are similar to us in background and beliefs which could at times mean that for the most part two individuals will believe they are made for each other. I mean how many times have we heard of a couple claim they are 'made for each other' based upon their childhood, hobbies, location, religion or various other factors? The harsh reality is that many people who claim these things are deluded. In the Western world around 30-50% of marriages end in divorce. Somewhere during the relationship the couple probably claimed they were soul mates. Does not the exact premise of a soul mate mean longevity and stability within a relationship? Does not this show that the soul mate is a fake dream conjured up by not a logical basis but rather our desires for someone who is perfect for us?
Rather than their being one person for each of us out there, as mentioned before innumerable partners exist for us all. We all at some point in our life have a friend or even a romantic partner who we believe we are going to be with permanently. We all had that best friend at 7 who we thought we would be playing hop scotch and tag with for the rest of our lives. However, due to various circumstances we lose contact with them and rarely or seldom speak to them. In fact the first time we fall in love many of us illogically predict that we shall be with our lovers forever. It ends disastrously and for weeks we think that we might still get back together with our loved ones. However, we move on. And not only do we move on we find new people to fill their places. We find a new best friend in high school or college, we find new people to fall in love with. Often very different from the last.
Ultimately we always find someone to fill very dear places to us all. Does not that tell us that instead of one predestined romantic partner we have myriads of suitors?
The key to having a happy relationship is trial and error. Of course there are exceptions. My Grandmother met my Grandfather when she was 15. She is now 75. However for the majority of us things are not so good. We meet a person and fall for them. Relationship breaks apart. We meet another person and learn from our mistakes and the relationship lasts longer. But it breaks apart in the end. After this partner is repeated an endless amount of times we become tied down. We can no longer select possible suitors as easy as we could when we were 16. In the end we settle down because we can't afford to be as emotionally mobile as previously.
However despite the non-existence of a soul mate, it does not conclude that we cannot find happiness in our relationships. All it means is that nothing in life is stationary. It means that if our relationships end, we should not fret and hold dead memories dear to us, but rather move on and look for the partner who may be the one who lasts.
Essentially we have to pick up where we broke down and start again. That is the true nature of happiness.