by Priscilla Benfield

Created on: July 23, 2009

Expectations in marriage definitely do change over the years. People who survive each other for many years are not the same young, naive newlyweds who are full of often unrealistic expectations of what marriage is going to be like. When we are young forever is a long time. We cannot grasp the idea of aging and we have no idea what obstacles are going to come our way. Life brings changes, choices and the strong marriages survive. Realizing that down the road what you as an individual want might be different from your spouse will help when and if those expectations change.

Marriage is serious. It is a huge commitment that you make not only to your spouse but to yourself. In a good relationship there is open and honest dialogue. Learning how to love someone unconditionally is different from feeling passionately towards someone. Unconditional love means you love them no matter what. You have to step aside sometimes and remember why you two chose to be together. Hopefully the expectations that the two of you had when you got into the marriage haven't changed too drastically.

As you learn to live together and grow, sometimes one spouse will grow faster than the other. As long as you keep your relationship alive small changes are easier to deal with. Knowing what to expect from married life and not being unrealistic is important.

When you first started out together, perhaps you both envisioned yourselves retiring to some beach community and living out your life in a more relaxed atmosphere. As you raise a family and fulfill your goals in your careers, you or your spouse might decide that what you originally planned is not what you wanted after all. If the two of you cannot compromise you are going to run into some trouble in your relationship.

It is normal and natural for us to change focus as we grow older and experience life. Imagining what parenting will be like is nothing like experiencing it for real. For some it is more of a challenge than we expected and for others it completes what we always dreamed of. The couple who can go with the flow of life's changes and work through any conflicts over changes in the direction their relationship is going to weather marriage better. Expecting your spouse to be the same as they were when you married is not realistic. You are both older and wiser now. Inside you may still be the same but life has altered some of your thinking and maybe even your priorities. Remembering that this is the person that you chose to grow old with and remembering why that was can help to overcome anything that comes your way.

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