by Teia Rogers

Created on: July 23, 2009

In the Tlingit society maternal uncles raise their nephews. This is a means of avoiding the aching affliction of the parent-child affair. This is a profound recognition of the complex connection between parents and their children. The relationship between mothers and their progeny is inherently convoluted from the moment the zygote begins buzzing around. Once you emerge from the cavernous safety of the womb, you begin repaying your debt to your most ruthless creditor.

As children we look to our parents, particularly our mothers, for all our needs. They provide for us and raise us and are our first point of contact with the greater world. This relationship gives them super human powers. We view our mothers as goddesses who give us life and bring us tater tots. Our mothers are immediately put on a pedestal as all-knowing, unearthly creatures that love us, but will not hesitate to bring the pain. For most children we see the failings of our guardians in our teens. As we experience a new and ever evolving world, their role changes. We recognize that our mothers are disappointingly human.

Poets and scholars throughout the ages have mused and toiled over the dynamics between mothers and their offspring. Every creature on this earth has a mother. It is the universal bond that links us to every living thing. We all have a mother. As a result we are all bonded in the tangled and torturous love that mothers bestow upon us. There will be a time when this relationship strikes a sour tone and the damage may be irreparable. Our mothers know us so intimately that their stinging words can tighten our chests and bring a quiver to our chins. Biting words and caustic acts can wound a child of any age and are the substances that fray our connection.

Mothers are not given carte blanche to put you through the rigors of their own impotence. It is reasonable to evaluate your relationship and decide if you can continue through the labyrinth of emotions. As with any relationship, if you aren't respected or cared for or nurtured, let go. Grieving the loss of this relationship is a painful endeavor. Your mother has known you in a private and penetrating way. Severing the ties that bind you to your well-spring can be tremendously difficult.

To move on, we must forgive our mothers. We must acknowledge our unique kinship while honoring our own individual worth. Forgiveness is a challenging thing regardless of who is on the receiving end. I'm still struggling to forgive a co-worker who ate my pepperoni hot pocket. To forgive the woman who birthed you and watched you toil and triumph over the years can be the hardest obstacle to overcome. To forgive our mothers we must hold the space between our love and our grief. We must see their fragility in spite of their severity. We must set adrift our grievances, cradle the child inside us all and move on into the world reborn to ourselves.

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