by Linda Empey

Created on: February 07, 2007   Last Updated: September 12, 2011

Advice for any Step parent:

Man or woman, if you take on the roll as step parent for young children or adults there are some elements that are the same and won't change, and some that are different. Divorce is not the only reason someone takes on the roll of being a step parent. A death in the family is another reason.

A step parent for one thing should never ever try or assume that they can just enter the roll as a parent to either a child or an adult child. This brings on added resentment, anger, and in small children most likely you'll have a child or children acting out.

Although young children can't just leave the home, and do need the direction and guidance of both the step parent and parent which should be consistent and "together as a united front," adult children view their parent's new spouse "differently."

What ultimately counts when dealing with adult step children that no longer live in the home is the, "it's my relationship and I'm happy kind of attitude as long as it is healthy and loving and not toxic. But at the same time, adult children need "Access to their parent."

This is a gripe!

Furthermore, a step parent should never begin to insist they be called mother or father. It doesn't work, and causes distance between the biological parent and child.

The truth is, if you are a step parent or about to be one, "Care about what goes on, care about the life dreams of the kids, grown up or not!"

Sadly, if done wrong, and it does happen, the step parent builds up walls, and kids lose out both adult and children.

This is one lesson I hope any step parent will take with them:
My own step mother, yes I like her, but she has built and allows dad access to her own children, "All adult, but when it comes to even chatting with him on the phone, she tells us he's too busy."

Childish yes, but either way, dad's adult children are of the mind, we want everything to do with you dad, but leave the step mom out of our lives."

What do we do? Hold our tongues, cross her name off of Christmas cards, and be courteous when they are present in our homes.

is this false love?

For step mom perhaps so, but for dad, what he should see is non trusting expecting eyes from those of his children.

Step parent advice?

If you want trust EARN IT! and don't ever assume you can or will be called or accepted the same way the missing biological parent was.

Your relationship is different and always will be, and because you are parent it does not mean you should be "friends" to the kids either.

Be responsible, loving, and do what you can to build a relationship with the kids.

From a step kid.

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