by JennM

Created on: July 23, 2009

Sometimes a second child is on the way before the decision was ever made. That is what happened in my case. My first child was 5 months old when I found out I was pregnant again. I guiltily admit that I cried when I found out. I cried for two reasons. One, I felt as if having a second baby while my first one was still so young would take away precious alone time I should be spending with my frist born. And two, I was concerned about how other people would think of me. I now realize that it shouldn't, and doesn't, matter what other people think of me when it comes to my family choices. I realize this because I am currently pregnant with baby number three and my other two are ages 3 and a half and 2 and a half and my reasons for having my children so close together, although the second one was a blessed surprise, are that they will always have playmates and I will have all the children I want to have before I get to an age that will increase the risk for birth complications and defects.

If I had chosen when I would have wanted to have a second baby, I would not have chosen to get pregnant within months of giving birth to my first. Although I do appreciate their closeness to each other, aside from the toy stealing and frequent wrestling. They get mistaken for twins all the time and it is basically as if they are twins. They can wear pretty much the same size of clothes, enjoy the same things, and both have a birthday in December. However, with them being just a year apart it is going to be difficult when the older one gets to the age where he can go to school, enter into sports, etc, because the younger one will not be able to for another year. It will be difficult to explain this to him when they have been doing things together since the younger one started walking. Had they been two years apart, I feel it would be much easier since they would probably be a much noticeable size and age difference.

I would suggest to a person trying to decide when to have their second child to evaluate how your first child reacts around other children, babies in particular. If there is a major jealousy factor when mom or dad is holding a baby then I would find it best to gradually get that child used to being around babies. Whether that is frequently visiting a family member with a baby, babysitting, or offering to help out in the church nursery.

Once the child is okay with being around babies and other children, talk to your child about having a baby brother or sister. Play around with the idea and ask what they would prefer....a sister or brother. Ask what name they would pick out for him/her. Basically, make the child feel as if they have a choice in it.

If you as a parent are already overwhelmed, sleep deprived, and fretting over issues such as money or your marriage, then wait. Adding another baby to the mix could just cause more problems and/or post-partum depression for the mother.

Whenever you decide, whether that is a few months after giving birth to your first or many years after, it is your choice....unless God gives you a blessed surprise as he did me....and you shouldn't let anyone make you doubt your decision.

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