by Robert Codey

Created on: July 22, 2009

My friend, Cliff (a white liberal), had suggested that all individuals were personally responsible for the behavior of their own race, so I penned this satirical news piece for him:

Cambridge, Massachusetts (CP) In an incident that highlights racial problems in America, Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates was arrested for disorderly conduct at his home in the Harvard community of Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Neighbors called police reporting a description of a "tan white man" attempting to break into the Harvard Professor's home. When police arrived and confronted Professor Gates, who fit the description of a "tan white man" they asked him to produce identification so that they could just go back to their car and finish eating their donuts. They recognized that Professor Gates was trying to get into his own home, and just wanted to make it official by seeing his identification so they could go back to their Krispy Kremes.

Neighbors and police reported at that point that Professor Gates began ranting and raving and shouting things at the officer, "I'm a black man! You're oppressing me! I'm being discriminated against! This is what happens to black men all over America, being forced to show their id to prove they are not a criminal."

Police reported that they got tired of hearing Professor Gates ranting and raving and decided to arrest him to shut him the hell up.

When asked for his opinion on this incident, racism expert Cliff Hritz explained, "Professor Gates is a black man. As such, he is responsible for all the many crimes perpetrated by black men throughout history, from murder to rape to arson, you name it. It's common knowledge that every person is responsible for the actions of their own race. It is his responsibility to acknowledge that until his race cleans up their act, police will continue to stereotype them as criminals."

Esteemed Harvard Psychiatric Professor Lester Crackpot added, "You must understand zhat Professor Gates iz a man of both white and black heritage. Growing up in zhe black community, he needed to be persecuted in order to be accepted by his darker skinned peers. Look at zhis picture? Does zhis look like a black man to you?" http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/About/G eneral/2009/7/21/1248138878870/Henry-Louis-Gates-001 .jpg

In the week since the incident, Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates' home has been successfully robbed three times by black men who were counting on a delayed police response to the Professor's home.

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