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It has been said that the end of a relationship is a lot like death. It's the death of a relationship. The death of a love or the illusion of a love. The process of getting over death is grieving.

Shock. Denial. Distress. Obsession. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Readjusting. Acceptance.

The feelings and reactions following the end of a relationship are pretty much the same if you're the one being left. The person who chose to end the relationship often goes through many of these feeling too.

While it's common to want to withdraw from life and human contact or to lash out at other people (who cannot possibly understand what you're experiencing) what a grieving person really needs is just the opposite.

It might seem easy at first to glorify the person you are no longer with and remember their better qualities and the good times. But in order to curtail the grieving process as soon as possible, you need to dwell on their bad qualities. In fact you should make a list of them. Writing down all the things about them you disliked or the ways they hurt and offended you will help you see that you can and will be better off without them. Put the list somewhere you will see it daily like on your bathroom mirror or on your refrigerator. Add to it any time you think of something you had forgotten. The goal is not to make you hate them, but to simply remind yourself that they are not perfect and you weren't always happy with them.

Remove the reminders of them from your life. Take down the pictures of them and throw out or give away anything that might cause you to become sentimental or suddenly burst into tears. If you can't part with objects or photos (maybe you plan to give to your children with this person someday) at least pack them up and keep them out of sight.

Wedding or promise rings and other mementos that you wear have to go too. Even if you're not even close to being emotionally ready to move on, you need to alert the world that you are now single. Even if your relationship ended a week ago immediately start referring to them as your ex. They and everything about them are now part of your past. Calling them your ex reinforces that to you and everyone you talk with. And NOT constantly saying their name helps too.

Give your home a light make over. It's amazing what a new coat of paint, a new set of bed sheets and moving some furniture around can do to make your home feel more like YOUR personal space. Frame a new picture. Buy a potted plant. Hang some

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