by Adeola Alabi

Created on: July 21, 2009

Lying can affect the intimacy of a relationship in different ways. While reason(s) for lying in a relationship can either be positive or negative. This does not however mean that lying in a relationship is good or should be encouraged.

Lying should not be encouraged in a relationship because a relationship built upon deceit is bound to crash sooner or later. According to Dostoyevsky, 'When we lie we lose respect for ourselves and for others. And when we've no respect for anyone we end up yielding to our impulses and indulging in the lowest forms of pleasure.'

When you lie to your partner, what you are really saying to the other is; 'you don't what a dime of truth from me'. How will you feel if someone you trust so much says that to you?, of course you will feel cheated. That's exactly how your partner feels each time your lies (whether past or present) is getting known to him/her.

You may lament saying; 'I had to lie because of my love for him/her', while that may be the fact, the truth is a liar can neither be loved nor trusted because; of all couples, only love and trust are inseparable. Where there is no trust, love is lost. And if you don't know, love isn't built on deceit.

Lying means betrayal of trust. Liars finds it very difficult to believe or even trust others simply because they see the others as potential liars and that will make such an individual to be suspicious of the other even when the situation doesn't warrant it.

While some liars have been able to suppress their guilty conscience, majority of liars don't feel comfortable around their partner especially while lying. May I ask you; do you think your partner doesn't notice your feelings of guilt and suspicion? They do notice and that's when you start noticing strange behaviour in your partner.

The moment your partner notices your feelings of guilt and suspicion, the feeling of insecurity arises in the person and therefore starts building protective wall against you. Hence, intimacy gradually becomes the thing of the past.

When there is a barrier between two people, their relationship cannot be termed as intimate. At this point, people starts keeping piles of secrete. And if care is not taken, this will continue until the relationship eventually breaks apart.

Note that it is true that in some situation lying will seems to you the best option, but in such situation, I will advise you to keep silent because while they say; silence is the best answer for a fool, silence can also be your saving grace depending on the ways and manners of your application.

Always remember that honesty has a way of helping a relationship grow while lying has many ways of destroying a relationship.

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