by Anne Galivan

Created on: July 21, 2009   Last Updated: July 22, 2009

When I first read the title to this article I thought someone had mistakenly used the word accept when they should have used expect. But I realized that the meaning is really the same. I am a firm believer that we will generally get the behavior from our children that we expect, and at the same time, part of getting the behavior that we want is to NOT accept the behavior that we don't want.

I can still remember vividly someone I knew, when her daughter was only around three years of age, telling me that she expected her daughter to come home drunk one day, etc. because that was what kids do. I don't know if her daughter ever came home drunk; I do know she came home pregnant at the age of 17. A couple of years later, the daughter added twins to the mix so she had three children under the age of 3 and no husband. This mom ended up being a very busy grandmother; helping her daughter care for three young children.

On the other hand, when it comes to my children, I have not expected my children to: drink, use drugs, or have sex before marriage. I have expected them to: use the Bible as the standard for their lives; be responsible, contributing members of the family; behave courteously in public; respect their elders; be kind to those less fortunate; work hard at their academics; attend college. This is, of course, only a very brief summary of some of the expectations I have had of my kids, but I can say that on every count, they have met with my expectations. I have four children, two of whom are grown college graduates, so my philosophizing is not just theory, I have had it proved out in two of my four children already, and I fully expect the same exceptional results with my two younger children. They have given credibility to one of my basic parenting philosophies: your children will almost invariably live up to your expectations, whether those expectations are that they will screw up and be rebellious, belligerent teens and distant adults or, that they will be respectful, responsible human beings who enjoy spending time with their family, and whom their family enjoys spending time with (because they are a pleasure to have around!)

I have a little joke with my kids. Every once in awhile we will see one of those public service ads on TV that tell you to talk to your kids about drugs, because they will listen to you (you know: Parents, the Anti-Drug!). I will turn to whichever one of my children happens to be there and say simply, "Don't do drugs".

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