by Tiffany G King

Created on: July 21, 2009

During a telephone conversation last week, my mother proceeds to tell me you need to call your grandma. I tell her that I will call her later that I am busy right now. She then goes into guilt trip mode. Your grandma is not feeling good, she would love to hear from you, and you could totally make her day. You are all she ever talks about. Then she keeps on going. So of course, I felt bad for not wanting to jump up immediately and call her. I hang up the phone and realize, I just got guilt tripped. I am twenty seven years old and this stuff is still working on me.

Mothers use guilt trips to motivate us. It needs to be used in the right way, and not overly done. For example, guilt tripping your chiild to see the bigger picture of life. For moms it can be killing two birds with one stone. They want you to clean out your closet, and you are not doing it. So mom tells you that there are kids out there who can't afford clothes, and need clothes, and here you are sitting with a closet full of clothes that could be helping other kids. So in turn, the child cleans out there closet and learns the value of giving to the needy. Score one point for mom. This becomes valuable even as an adult. It is like hearing your mom's voice when you are trying to go against how you were raised.

Your child's personality makes a difference too. My sister and I are night and day. I feel bad if I let my parents down, and due to guilt tripping have become a people pleaser. I am more empathetic, sympathetic, and compassionate than I would have been. I hate to disappoint, so you tell me that I have, and I have to fix the situation. My sister, she could care less. If the parents start in on her she is like really that does not work on me. She is like I will send money and pray for the needy. I am only human she will say. Essentially, she tells the parents to get over it. Personality does make a difference. For someone like me it does motivate me. For someone like my sister it is just annoying. You have to analyze you children first and foremost.

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