by Marie Hutchison

Created on: July 20, 2009

For the most part, our society does not consider professional "counseling" of any kind to be a worthy process. (I believe it is becoming more acceptable, but I do not think that the majority of people hold it in a very high regard-at least not yet.) Counseling seems to be perceived as something that a person seeks to fix themselves, as if there is something wrong with him/her. And, most people do not like to announce to others that there is something wrong with them. Thus, suggesting that a friend seek marriage counseling can be tricky; he/she might think that you are implying that there is something wrong with his/her relationship. They could be offended by the suggestion or might think that you are judging their relationship when it is none of your business. To be very general, I can see two ways of going about making such a suggestion.

If your friend and you have a relationship where you talk about your feelings and your ups and downs in life; it is highly probable that he/she will be looking for advice. Thus, suggesting marriage counseling might be acceptable. However, I do not believe that the suggestion alone is going to be enough; I think it would be beneficial to talk about what counseling is really about. By talking about counseling, you might be able to make your friend more comfortable with the idea; it won't be so foreign to him/her. Counseling is not about "fixing" something that is bad; rather, it is about finding new ways of communicating, problem solving, relating to one another, etc. Developing healthy relationships takes work, and it is not something our society has ever been educated about, so it is no surprise that sometimes we do not know what to do or how to handle certain situations. Talking about these things should make the concept of counseling more acceptable and maybe even appealing to your friend.

However, if you believe your friend is not someone who wants your advice and who does not seem to believe in counseling, it might be best to take a different route. I think that one of the best ways of introducing an idea and getting a friend to think about it without brushing it off is to make it your personal experience. I once had a friend talk to me about attending marriage counseling with his wife, and his happiness with the process and his comfort in saying, "We went to a counselor..." made me very accepting of it. He simply mentioned it during a casual, normal conversation and did not say anything like, "Don't judge me, but we go and see a counselor." He just talked about how it seemed to help his relationship, which was not unlike many relationships. He has been married for a few years, and they wanted to make sure they were still taking time out for one another. He wasn't embarrassed about it and said positive things about it. I think the telling of a similar personal experience might be a very successful way of getting your friend to think about counseling or to inquire more about it. I think this is a great way of indirectly suggesting counseling.

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