Are parents justified in pressuring their teenage children to get a college education?

by Sherri Woodbridge

Created on: July 20, 2009   Last Updated: November 26, 2009

Pressuring a child into getting a college education can backfire tremendously on a parent. After all, it's human nature to rebel when we are being forced to do something, whether we want to do it or not. A child on the edge of adulthood will more than likely spite a parent if they feel they're being pressured into something without it being their own decision.

Kids want to be independent, especially when they are in their last years of high school. The thoughts and decisions of the 'after-life' is constantly the topic of discussion. Most kids are dying to spread their wings and fly away. After all, isn't that what we've prepared them for? So, do you pressure them to go to a secondary school or keep quiet?

The majority says pressure them. IA better way to look at it would be not to 'pressure' them, but to guide, direct, and/or advise. Pressuring a person gives an ugly connotation. After all, don't we as parents, from infancy until the time our children leave home, constantly train our kids not to give in to 'peer' pressure or pressure from others wanting to lead us astray? Doesn't it send an opposing message to them when we now get in their face and tell them what we think is best? So, yes, let's 'pressure' them, but let's do it in a constructive way.

For example, give them examples of why further education is important - advancement, higher pay, more opportunities, etc. Always communicate the positives while maintaining an attitude where, ultimately, it is their choice.

Guide them with wisdom. Give them real life stories of the difference a college education has made in your life versus someone you know who didn't have one and why it's so important. Maybe you're the one who didn't have the college degree. Have you struggled in your position with promotions against a younger college grad? Share your experiences.

Many people who aren't religious are still familiar with the verse, "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." Training does not imply pressure, but the ability to really know our children - their strengths and weakness. It implies encouraging them in what they're gifted at - good at - not what we want them to be or to make a lifelong career doing something they most likely will be miserable doing. It implies wanting the best for our children - wanting to train them in their giftedness and leaving our unfulfilled dreams and expectations of them at the door. How well do you know your child? What do they love in life? What is their passion? What gets them excited and fired up? Train them in that direction and they'll long to go to school without the pressure from a concerned parent (who they may end up resenting).

Be ready to face the fact that your child may actually not want to go. How will you respond? Don't be shocked and don't over react. Some kids weren't born to attend school sixteen plus years in a row. Some have a difficult time getting through the first day of kindergarten. Sometimes when they graduate from high school, they need a year off. This will have to be evaluated on an individual basis. What are their reasons for not wanting to go and are they legitimate? What other opportunity awaits them that seems more important than a college degree? It will be different for each person, so let them speak.

If you want their respect, respect them and their opinions and desires. They are teetering on the edge of independence and while they are still on your watch, they are wanting and needing to make their own decisions. Give them input, give them wise counsel, steer them toward their gifts (gentle pressure, you could say), but ultimately the decision must be theirs.

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