by Amela Piric

Created on: July 19, 2009   Last Updated: May 21, 2010

Using deception, whether it comes to light or not, creates distance instead of intimacy in a relationship.  Lying to your partner can have damaging consequences for your relationship as it undermines trust and intimacy which are the basic building blocks of a healthy relationship.  It is impossible to feel like a partner knows you and understands you on a deep and intimate level if you are constantly lying to him or her.

Some people use deception in an initial courtship phase in order to attract the partner that they like.  However, this can help sustain the relationship only for a short period of time as relationship is likely to suffer long-term when the lies are discovered.  The one who was cheated upon will never be able to regain full trust in his or her partner. It is much easier to maintain trust and intimacy in a relationship if you start out your relationship by being trustworthy.

Lying in general and especially to someone with you wish to have an intimate relationship with will not give a desired effect.  Even small lies can be detrimental for the intimacy in a relationship to develop and flourish.  When one is lying, he or she is saying that there is something about him or her that he or she does not want her or his partner to know about.  Thus, he or she is already setting up the boundary for the intimacy to develop instead of allowing it to flourish.

Lying creates doubt, suspicion, and mistrust in a relationship as the other person who has been lied to begins to question his partner, his good intentions, and the quality and purpose of the relationship itself.  He or she may start to wander whether to continue to trust his or her partner and to what extent if he or she has already lied to him or her once.  Eventually he or she may start to question whether his or her partner is the right person for him or her and bring the whole relationship in question.

The more people engage in deception, the more distant they become.  It all starts from a small lie with a tendency to develop into pathological lying.  Lying has the capacity to destroy not only the intimacy of a relationship, but the relationship itself especially when the lies are discovered.  Thus, work on strengthening open communication with your partner.  Set the time for sharing and understanding as they are the main ingredients necessary for building intimacy in a relationship.  Creating intimacy involves nurturing familiarity and openness and is a must for people who wish to achieve healthy and loving relationship.

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