by S. August Abbott (TheCaretaker)

Created on: July 18, 2009   Last Updated: July 30, 2009

Permission to Feel Bad

The world seems to be in a groove, everything is on track and your most guilty pleasure is the pair of shoes you really don't need or the extra pastry you order with your latte.

There's always another paycheck, another raise and another day.

Then, the unthinkable happened. The world hit a rock in the road and nothing is the way it has always been. You not only have never been here before, but when you look to someone else for guidance you find them asking the same questions.

This is not your life. This is not the way things are supposed to be.

Your job is suddenly insecure or gone, your income down, expenses up. The news says it's happening everywhere and this isn't helping at all.

What do you do when it's all upside down and the only 'sure thing' is that there really is no 'sure thing'?

First, once you get past thinking it's really not happening (denial), you may want to reassure yourself that this is a situation happening to everyone. You did not cause this and you are not alone.

Second, it's OK to feel whatever you feel - this hurts! Feeling the pain of the losses or even potential losses is a normal and expected human reaction. Don't deny your humanity.

Third, be careful about lashing out. You can blame your wife/husband, significant other, mother, father, siblings, children or boss all you want and the only thing this will accomplish is more separation from the very people you need (and who need you).

Fourth, don't hide under the covers or under the bed. It's a natural human reaction to high-stress events to shut down. You might find yourself more tired than usual, crying at sappy TV commercials or nothing at all. You don't want to think about it, you don't want to deal with it and you certainly don't want to talk about it - but you cannot hibernate and you know you can't hide.

Fifth, here comes the sun. One day you'll feel on top of the world, you'll have a plan and hope and be ready to battle dragons armed with a paper sword and dressed in your underwear. This is a deceptive time, mostly because while you're armed for dragons, it's storm clouds that arrive.

Sixth, you realize it's time to put down the sword and pick up the pen, or the shovel, or whatever tool you need to start over.

It doesn't matter how old you are or how young.

Just because you were a lawyer, doesn't mean you can't become a doctor. You were an office manager, but the job in front of you is cleaning houses.

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