It would be unrealistic to expect to walk around in a blissful state all during your marriage. When two individuals agree to weave their lives together, they are committing to hard work and compromise, as much as agreeing to spend the rest of their life with the one they love and cherish.
Melding two lives and maintaining bliss is a challenge. There are separate interests to consider, differing opinions, often vastly different backgrounds and traditions to reconcile. After children are added to the mix, bliss if often a rare state, taking a back seat to obligations and responsibilities.
As I approach my golden anniversary, I ponder how my spouse and I ever reached this pivotal milestone. Certainly, over the years, there were times when we looked at each other with the thought, "Do I even know you?"
We embraced the honeymoon phase, survived the growing family years, tolerated the estrangement of living with a houseful of teenagers, became giddy at the prospect of an empty nest, mutually cherished the role of grandparents, and one day found ourselves right back where we started - just the two of us - blissfully happy to be together.
Along the way I have accumulated some useful guidelines for surviving marriage and keeping the promises made at the altar.
Top tips for wedded bliss (in no particular priority order)
* Establish trust
Be honest with one another. Secrets have no place in a marriage. Even if the information you have to share will be painful, or cause upset to your partner, have the courage to practice full disclosure at all times. This is especially important where money is concerned.
* Establish a workable means of communicating
In conversations, listening is more important than talking. In arguments, which are inevitable, focus on the subject without attacking your partner on any personal level. Every disagreement needs a hero to bring it to a close. Be that hero, and sacrifice the need to have the last word. Have patience and pick appropriate times to open dialogue about important matters. A tired or preoccupied spouse will not be able to converse in a meaningful way. Communicate with consideration.
* Be friends
It is all too easy to take for granted the person we hold half-responsible for our life and family. Treat your spouse with the same consideration and thoughtfulness you give to friends, coworkers and acquaintances. You would never berate, cajole, pressure or intimidate your friends. If you did so, you would find yourself alone much of the time. Ensure that your spouse is your best friend by acting in such a positive way that he wants to be with you more than anyone else.
* Give each other space
When you enter into marriage, you do not suddenly become clones of one another. Pursue your interests, and allow your spouse to pursue his. You were individuals before you were a couple and some facets of your personalities do not have to be blended. When each individual in a marriage feels free to pursue their hobbies and friends, they will return to their partner refreshed and renewed of spirit. Ensure each of you has a corner to call your own in the home - everyone needs their own space.
* Do things together
Build on what you have in common. Ensure that you have shared experiences to store up in memory and reminisce about together in later years. Good memories are a bond that is invaluable to keeping a marriage enriched and alive over the years.
* Be appreciative
Be vocal about your appreciation of your spouse's contributions to your marriage and lifestyle. Be generous with compliments. Find fun and creative ways to express your love. A message in lipstick on the bathroom mirror, a note tucked under the pillow, a thank you message in the lunchbox, an unexpected phone call in the middle of the day to let him know you are thinking of him, all add up to appreciation and help keep the bond between you strong.
Some of these tips will not be practical all of the time, but all of them will serve your marriage well some of the time.
If you work at your marriage, have fun in your marriage, forgive the bad times and cherish the good times, you will find yourself on the brink of a golden anniversary wondering how the time passed so quickly, and reminiscing about how much fun you had along the way on the blissful journey that is marriage.