by Isabelle Esteves

Created on: July 17, 2009   Last Updated: July 18, 2009

Let me begin by saying that I have been married for over forty years and dated my husband for three years before we got married. It has been a love affair since day one, unfortunately it never appeared that that love affair extended to my husband's mother.

I almost feel guilty talking about her at this point since she has been dead for twenty eight years and one should never speak ill of the dead right? Well the heck with that, this is about a cathartic moment for me and it has been a long time coming.

The first thing I want to say is that I came into the relationship with my future husband as a fifteen year old virgin. I had confidence issues and he was very good for me and always has been. He made me feel beautiful and smart and that there was nothing that I couldn't accomplish. Pretty heady stuff for a fifteen year old.

I was also very shy which many people mistook for being stuck up, amazing isn't it how that happens, nothing could have been farther from the truth. Enter the mother in law. All she would have had to do was to treat me like a daughter or even a young friend and I would have followed her around like an adoring puppy. She never took the time to do that. She tolerated me but was never warm.

When I was seventeen I got pregnant. It was inevitable really in those days what did any of us know about birth control and it certainly wasn't something you talked to anyone about and there wasn't an internet to supply information. I was devastated, we were engaged but I needed to graduate from High School and I was so depressed I spent a month in bed. I finally came out of seclusion and we decided to get married as soon as I graduated. I attended a Catholic girls High School, as you can imagine , in 1968 I could not stay there if my condition was discovered.

My issues with my mother in law began at this time. I was visiting at her house and she introduced me to one of her friends as the "little mother". I was shocked to the core. For one thing we were not married yet but it was also imperative that it be kept under wraps. I am sure I turned bright red and chose not to respond. It felt like I had been slapped in the face. You can tell how much it hurt me, to this day I have never forgotten it.

We got married and started our life and our first son was born in September 1968. I have to say she always appeared to enjoy our children. In January 1970 I gave birth to a full term still born son and again there is a moment that sticks in my psyche. I heard

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