by Dee Cain

Created on: July 17, 2009

Let me start off stating, "I loved my mother-in law." I know I used the past tense and she is still alive today. Hopefully, all will understand the shift in the way I phrased that statement before this article is through.

Our relationship seemed to start out on an even keel. The first time I met her she handed me a cookie and told me she would fatten me up. We seemed to get closer to the point I felt the trust and love of acceptance for me as a person. As I look back, I only saw what she wanted me to see. I never wanted to be one of those bad daughter-in-laws. The one who is the bone of contention in the family and I truly believed we were getting along very well. I never dreamt I could be more mistaken.

As time went by the little snide remarks started appearing in the conversations we would have. Most of the time, I would simply let the remark slide by pretending it didn't phase me. Apparently I learned to do this quite well until she made an off handed remark in front of a friend of mine. My friend asked me if she always talked to me the way she had that day. I had to ask her to clarify her question since I let the remark slide. I, apparently told my mother-in-law that she could have any knick knacks she saw at my garage sale for free, since she was acquiring items for a charity resale shop at a hospital, where she volunteers. My mother-in-law stated, "No, I want good stuff not your junk." Apparently it was in a snide voice and it offended my friend. I simply replied, "Oh! That is normal." Then passed it off as normal. I had gotten so good at letting things go that I hadn't noticed.

Then my husband and I decided to get married. We had lived together for four years and both of us had children from a previous marriage. It took some time for all of us to adjust to the point of wanting to try marriage again. During this time we all had gotten to know each other and to bond as a family. My daughter accepted my husband as her father and the older children learned to trust me. It wasn't always easy but we overcame our problems. Our older children, who were in their late teens, lived with my husband's ex-wife about four hours from us. So when my husband proposed it was near Christmas. Since the older children were coming down for the family Christmas, he decided that that would be a wonderful time for us to marry. We weren't having a big wedding, simply a small gathering at the local church five miles from the home of the relative holding the Christmas gathering.

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