by Stanley W. Shura

Created on: July 16, 2009   Last Updated: April 23, 2010

Much of the "self-help" advice of the 1990s and early 2000's, indeed the entire "self-help industry" which has really come into its own over the past generation, has tended to focus on one basic message: "Suck it up, stop whining and just do it!". Some embrace this message wholeheartedly.

Others, this writer included, could not disagree with it more fervently.

The subtext of that message is what gives us pause, because it feeds the self-doubt - even guilt. Sometimes, those who are "winning" accuse those who are not doing similarly well of some character flaw or lack of effort. Society becomes divided into two camps: winners and whiners.

However, as our times have made painfully clear, hard and trying times can hit fine and decent people, and that is the message. Just because you are struggling - don't - please DO NOT - internalize a self-loathing that suggests you somehow deserve the setbacks and did something or ARE somebody who makes it thus and that "that's just your luck" or that you're doomed forever!

There is a lot more you can do than simply "going-through-the-motions" sloganeering and "positive thinking", which, when not accompanied with plans and goals, is just as harmful and trite. This in no way to suggest that you shouldn't think positive thoughts and even indulge in the ritualistic practice of repeating that message to yourself. It is of no value, however, if you don't believe your own words.

You must keep yourself valuable and engaged, not just for "appearances" or to have an explanation of how you spent your unemployed days. It is for your OWN sense of self and accomplishment. We NEED to feel and be useful. So, as you are spending a hefty chunk of your jobless days (perhaps 3 or 4 hours daily!) working to change that status, take time to be constructive and fulfilled in other areas of your own and your friend's, loved one's and community's lives as well.

If you are of the creative ilk, CREATE! Writers: write! An unemployed writer (even if his day job is nothing of the sort) is STILL a writer - as long as he is writing! Musicians - practice your craft and keep your chops up! You NEED to feed your muse. Artists - express your unique and pulsating creativity. You know you don't really have a choice, anyway!

Athletes - you know this as well as anybody: a healthy mind is surely ever more so when the body is given the attention and exercise it needs. Join a gym and see what fits your fancy. Chances are good that, at today's gyms especially, you'll find SOMETHING that piques your interest. Go for it! Or check out your local YMCA or bowling league. Take up the martial arts! Seriously - nothing is more empowering, especially when other areas of your life are getting you down, than discovering that you have more power than you realize - and that you are NOT helpless.

What about volunteering or getting engaged politically? There are many worthy ways to give of yourself to others. Spend some time at a retirement facility or hospital. Become a Big Brother or Big Sister. Serve meals at a soup kitchen. And regardless of your party or idealogy, has there ever been a more exciting and CRUCIAL time to speak to and become a part of the local or even broader political machine? Cynical? Do something about it! Make your voice heard!

The point is to stay active, stay relevant, and KEEP LIVING! We are more than our jobs, and we do not have to let our whole sense of success or confidence rise and fall with the 9-5 humdrummery that a lot of us do just to keep a roof over our heads.

Who knows - you just might discover a brand new career, a renewed passion, and maybe even the opportunity to have fuller and happier life WHILE making a living. Good luck.

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