by Becky Graham

Created on: July 16, 2009

When a child is a product of a once loving relationship that is now dwindling, or has already gone sour, there are many things parents should do to ensure the child's security remains steadfast; that most definitely includes not pulling them into the raging fires. Listening to one parent bash another parent can cause serious mental anguish, especially in younger children. It brings up questions in a child's mind that undoubtedly can demolish security, promote depression, and destroy self-esteem.

We teach our children from the day they're born to treat people with respect. We teach them that they shouldn't use physical force, name calling, bribery, or insults to get their own way, regardless of the situation. So why, when it comes to bad relationships, do adults choose to use those same tactics? Children mimic what they see from their parents. If they witness examples of those negative actions by parents, they are more likely to use them for problem solving in their own relationships. Basically, we need to practice what we preach, if we want our children to become respectful members of the community.

Throughout an upset in a relationship there tends to be a lot of arguing. Many parents choose to put altercations on the back burner if the children are present to maintain some sort of normalcy in their lives. While that is the responsible thing to do, it can't stop just because the relationship has reached an end. Children are sheltered so much, that sometimes, they don't even realize how advanced their parents' issues have become. Adult problems are just that; adult problems. Once the arguing has stopped, parents still feel overwhelming resentment that obviously needs to be addressed. Addressing the issues with a child is a truly destructive option. It doesn't only hurt the other parent, and the child, but it also hurts the venting parent by breaking down their own image in a child's eyes. A child begins to question whether their parents will leave them if they do something that makes them angry. In their own minds, they don't believe that will be the result, but curiosity runs its course. Eventually children will push boundaries to their full extent, just to ease their minds that their parents aren't going anywhere.

When parents are downing each other, it puts the child in a no-win situation. A child will naturally love both parents equally. When venting and bashing come into the equation, a child begins to question

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