by Elaine Sihera

Created on: July 16, 2009

Many people who have confidence believe that it is not too difficult to ask someone out. It's as easy as striking up a conversation. But it is is quite nerve wracking for some due to four main things: one's level of confidence and self esteem, desire for approval, one's self worth and one's immediate goal. These four factors have to be tackled in some way before we can find the courage to ask someone out for a date. After all, if we believe we are insignificant, worthless and not worth dating, we cannot be surprised when others believe it too and act accordingly!

There are three steps to overcoming those nerves to ask someone out.

The first stage is to work on your confidence and self esteem. As a rule, people who are afraid of doing anything they desire lack the confidence to do it because they do not feel they are worthy. They have low self esteem and that makes them feel inadequate, perhaps unattractive, 'ugly' or unwanted. They are likely to believe that everyone else is much better than they are and no one would want to go out with them, especially if the object of their attention is beautiful or good looking in their eyes or seems unattainable to them. Wherever there is low esteem there will be the perception that one does not have the capacity, the resources or the requirements to achieve certain things in life, and interacting with others in a beneficial way is usually one of their key problems.

This is because low confidence and self esteem has FEAR at its core. Fear of making mistakes, fear of being made to look a fool, fear of saying the 'wrong' things, fear of looking 'stupid', of not being worthy and, above all, fear of rejection. This deep fear dictates feelings of self worth so that everyone else appears more competent, confident, attractive and far 'better' than we are. Yet, low self esteem and self worth comes from a lack of self love. People who don't love themselves tend to hope that others will love them regardless. But how can someone else love what we reject?

Loving ourselves also builds our self-worth, the next stage. We are more likely to appreciate the wonderful beings we are and value our presence more when we feel good about us. Self-worth comes through constant gratitude for who we are, being thankful that we even have a life when many others are dead, and slowly appreciating our many blessings (the fact that we have all our faculties when many others are disabled in some way!), despite any perceived faults. By appreciating

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