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Working up the nerve to ask someone out

by Milton Johanides

Created on: July 16, 2009   Last Updated: July 18, 2009

I'm 49 and happily married, so it's a long time since I've had to do this, but I don't imagine for a second things have changed that much since my day. The myth is that girls are more confident, more independent and know there minds more these days than they used to in the past, but when I think back to when I was a teenager in the seventies most of the girls you met then were exactly the same as they are now. At the end of the day, girls (and boys for that matter) need the same things today as they always did - good companionship. Companionship means winning somebody's trust and respect before diving into dating. Yes, there are some confident, good-looking guys who can just do it with a smile and a corny chat up line, but these are the ones the girls have already decided they want. What if you're not in that league and still want a piece of the action?

Companionship is the way forward. Don't even think about asking a girl for a date until you have shown her you're a likable trustworthy guy who would love to meet her parents and discuss Chopin given half a chance. Perhaps you've chosen a girl who is more into shopping than Chopin, well switch tactics. Be prepared to be low brow as well as high brow. But how do you make the first move?

Let's imagine you have seen the girl of your dreams in the shopping mall. If you just go up to her and ask her out for a date there's a 99% chance she will blow you out with a big NO. Use the old formula salesmen swear by - AIDA: attention, interest, desire, action. Follow this simple four-step plan for guaranteed success in dating every time.

ATTENTION - Somehow you need to get this girl's attention. Girls love shopping so wait until she is buying something you can relate to, like a DVD or a book. Organise things so that your arms cross when choosing a product or bump into each other by accident on purpose. Instantly apologise and as you do so look straight into her eyes. Don't expect miracles straight away and don't give away your intentions at this point. You've got her attention, she knows you exist - goal number one.

INTEREST - Follow fast on your apology with some innocuous information about the products you are looking at, but don't be a geek. She doesn't want to know what size shoes your favourite author wears. Find something casual but interesting to say like "that's a good read, the ending is neat." Or if in the music department "their last album was great, did you see them on TV?" If you make this passing comment

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