by Eileen Schmidt

Created on: July 15, 2009   Last Updated: July 20, 2009

What child doesn't like to get presents and surprises? I know I did! Ask and you shall receive. From play structures to video game systems to dolls and phones. I remember loving to window shop as a little girl. I was always gawking over all the new stuff in the stores and loved clothes, I still do to this day. Now it's more like clothes, jewelry, and household items. That doesn't necessarily mean that I want everything that I say that I like. As a child, I felt the same.

Your children may love all of the expensive gifts and having the best toys on the block, but that doesn't excuse you from being a parent, nor does it excuse you from showing affection and paying attention to them. No toy or game can replace a hug and an "I love you!" I grew up in a household with a mother who figured that if she got me what I wanted, I wouldn't ask for her, and I have friends who spoil their children rotten with whatever they please. I can't speak for those kids, but only for myself. And furthermore, it saddens me to see all of the "yes" responses on here and makes me wonder if these adults have children of their own.

There is nothing more amazing than seeing your children smile and giggle with delight. And yes, that oftentimes comes from the joy of receiving a really awesome present, but the joy of that gift dulls after awhile. Whereas the joy and confidence of a parent's love and affection will never wear thin. Children are very good at showing their delight in getting stuff, but parents are also very good at ignoring the saddened look that follows, especially if it is a habit in their home.

Because expensive gifts, and lots of them, were a habit in my home, and my mommy's ability or willingness to show love and affection in a more personal way were lacking, I eventually began to feel like crap every time she bought me something. I wanted her to play with me and hug me and SHOW me that she loved me. I wanted her friendship. Don't get me wrong, the toys were absolutely amazing, but I still felt like I needed to strive for my mother's approval. She never saw it because she was too busy assuming that I was just fine as long as I had what I wanted in material items. A big room, lots of stuff, great clothes. She couldn't get past the smile on my face when she gave me something. When I finally told her how I felt, I was fifteen by that time, she became angry with me and proceeded to tell me how ungrateful I was for everything she had done for me, for every penny she sacrificed to buy me this stuff. She never sacrificed her free time for me and that meant more to me than anything. She never sacrificed her emotions for me. She never felt it necessary to tell me nice things or to hug me for no reason or to tell me that she loved me just because.

For those of you who choose to make your children happy by buying them things, please remember that they need your love in other ways. Please keep in mind that a room full of gadgets can't hug them or love them or befriend them. You can prolong their happiness by playing with their new toys with them. I guarantee you that is more rewarding than anything in this world.

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