by Daniel Jones

Created on: February 06, 2007

Body language is all the non-verbal signs. We all use body language yet few people know consciously what their own or others body language really means.

Eye accessing cues are a form of body language informing the person opposite whether the information you are thinking of is remembered or constructed. Although this doesn't mean you are definitely lying or not.

Other types of body language are hand gestures and posture. Hand gestures can show how a person is describing what is in their mind. People use many hand gestures like marking' which is where important parts of a communication gets marked out with a firm gesture.

They can also allow you to know how the person feels like showing a churning action with their hands while talking about being nervous. Posture also allows you to see how the person is feeling. For example people sit taller when they are confident and happy, and people often slouch when they are upset of feeling low.

Watch out for in-congruence between what someone is saying and what signals they are giving off. For example I am calm' said with an aggressive voice tonality and tense body language. You know which part of that communication is correct and can notice the poor congruence. Or seeing someone tell you they are happy with a product whilst shaking their head.

With all signals be aware of the bigger picture, not just any isolated sign. Many courses teach you that arms being crossed means that you are not paying attention and not wanting to listen. It could equally mean that the person was cold or just found sitting in that position comfortable.

Personal space

Generally you have 4 areas of personal space. Intimate, personal, social and public. Usually <3> while they are lying or you are lying depending on who is talking.

Ear rubbing

Is the auditory version of the above. Sometimes pulling on an ear lobe is because the listener wants to speak.

The neck scratch

Normally scratches five times. Shows that they disagree with you, shows doubt or uncertainty.

Putting something in the mouth

The person may feel under pressure wanting security.

Arm barriers

Standard arm cross

Person feels uncomfortable with the situation and becomes defensive

Reinforced arm cross

Aggressive and hostile
Any barriers whether they are bags or arms etc show uneasiness. An attempt to shut something out.

Pointers

Body or feet etc will point to where you want to go and what you are interested in. for example: feet pointing towards a person or the exit.

Sitting Positions

When you are sitting down with a customer the position that you adopt can have a great effect on your success with the sale. When you sit opposite a customer it can give a sense of aggression and forcefulness. The best seating arrangement to take is to sit either along side the customer both looking at the same point in front of you both, or to sit diagonally to the customer.

If you have to talk to a group of customers at the same time around a table position the seats so that you can be diagonal to the group. If you have to sit around a large rectangular table, for the most influence sit at one of the short ends so that you are the only person on your part of the table, opposite a door if possible. If your back is to the door you will loose a level of influence.

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