by Erika Livingstone

Created on: July 15, 2009

Asking someone out changes with age. Trying to get a date in high school is a much different affair than trying to get that sexy stranger's number. Fortunately, it does tend to get easier as time goes by. Here are a few simple and specific steps to take some of the pressure off, in no particular order.

1. Don't ask the following question: "Will you go out with me?". It's kind of a loaded question. If someone is going to be your boyfriend or girlfriend, it's hard for them to tell what dating you is like if you haven't been on a date with them yet. I find that the best way is, during a conversation, ask the person out for a coffee or tea at a specific place in the near future. For instance: "I know a neat little teahouse in Kensington. Want to check it out after work?" It takes the pressure off of the person to imagine when and where would be a good place and time to be dated. If they are not available after work, suggest another time. "How about Friday evening, then?" If not, ask them to suggest a time.

2. I recommend making a date in a public place, such as a coffee house or restaurant. That way, if things don't go to well, the date is over within a limited time and everyone can go their separate ways without getting too awkward. If you are asking out a woman, she would probably be more comfortable saying yes than if you are a strange man asking her to come to your house.

3. Look who's looking. If you're asking out a stranger, keep an eye on him or her. If they are watching someone else of the opposite sex, that could be their significant other. If they are just looking around the room, they are probably there by themselves. If they look at you, the light is green! That is a big sign coming from both genders. (And if they are not looking at you, move a little closer so they can see you!) But keep in mind that while you're watching someone, someone else might be watching you. Keep aware of who your charm has enchanted.

4. Watch the body language. If you are standing, briefly check which way their feet are pointed. If one or both feet are turned away from you, it means they are not comfortable yet. This may change with time. If you are sitting at a table or desk together and the other person moves a glass or something in front of themselves, they are creating a barrier between you and him or herself and they are not at ease Fixing this may be as easy as a change in conversation. If you've been talking about your work week for the past few minutes, it's time

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