Low self esteem can have detrimental effects on relationships with other people. Lets see how a chain of events is set:
People with low self esteem, have to live every day of their life with the fear of rejection hanging over their head. They constantly want to feel reassured that they are loved and cherished. They constantly need to feel they are in control of every situation. Trying to ensure that will happen, they become too needy and possessive. At the first sign of possible rejection they snap. They start playing the victim card, trying to make others feel guilty for hurting their feelings and they keep pushing and pushing until they finally succeed. When they don't succeed, they start making threats, plotting for revenge, intentionally trying to inflict to others some of the pain they have felt themselves after all, pain shared, is pain less. Ironically, they end up getting the very thing they were trying to avoid in the first place: Rejection. The others finally reach their breaking point and decide it would be best to leave that dysfunctional relationship behind them once and for all.
Low self esteem can also make people become withdrawn and distant, unable to deeply connect with others since they don't feel they can measure up.That results to poor communication skills, which make an already dysfunctional relationship even more dysfunctional. Plenty of misunderstandings are likely to occur, since it looks like people are speaking a whole different language and each party is convinced that he understands what the other party ''really means'', which in turn results in people drifting part even more.
People with low self esteem tend to search for people who can be their saviors. They need to feel protected, so they are subconsciously attracted to people who can ''guide them in the right direction''. The thing is, they end up being patronized into being something else than they really want to be by hiding their deepest feelings, needs and thoughts, just so that they can be likeable enough and their saviors will not abandon them. So in that case, even though they are not rejected with the typical sense of the word, they are however essentially rejected since they have to deny who they really are so as not be rejected.
Also, people with low self esteem are especially vulnerable to all forms of abuse, whether the abuse is physical, mental or emotional. They passively tolerate being insulted, accused, made fun of, threatened, blackmailed, and ultimately even being punished for not obeying the rules as much or the way they should have. They end up thinking that they actually deserve all that pain, so after a while they start sabotaging themselves, denying themselves of the opportunity to be happy, by getting into situations where they know they are doomed to loose. They subconsciously try to punish themselves because by that time, they believe that is why they deserve,plus, as ironic as it may sound, they actually feel comfortable in such situations, because they are used to them. And by putting themselves in the exact same situation over and over again, they believe that they will finally be able to come on top for once. This is not how things go though.
There are some things that can be done in order for things to change for the better:
1. Accept that it is perfectly natural not to be liked by everyone. Expecting from everyone to like you is a pipe dream. It cannot happen. Just like you don't like everyone, not everyone likes you either. It is a waste of time and energy trying to change that, it is what it is. What you can do is focus on the people that you like and they like you back.
2. Learn that is okay to say no. People with low self esteem are influenced way too much by the way others perceive them, feeling obligated to say yes to everything. The point is that even if they finally get what they want, this is a hollow victory, since the others stay only because their ego is feeded. Not because they really enjoy your company or appreciate you for who you really are. Why would you want such people in your life? The people who like you even when they disagree with you without asking you to change for them are the people who really care for you.
3. Learn to think positive. At first it will be difficult. You will be overwhelmed with negative thoughts, and the more you will be trying to push them away, the more they will insist. So, don't fight them. Let them be. What you can do is slowly try to distract yourself with something positive . Think of something positive that you did, something you are feeling really proud of. Before long, you will realise that your mind will automatically begin rejecting negativity and will only embrace positivity. It just takes some practice.
4. Keep a journal. You can write every day all the things you did well and you feel proud of. Always find something positive to write, it doesn't matter how big or small it is. It is equally important.
5. Do things you have been putting off
One of the reasons why your self esteem is low, can be procrastination.Putting off tasks for a later date and on top of it failing to actually follow through makes you feel like a failure. So wash your car, call your friend that you haven't talked to for months, organize your bills, go to the gym, read those books you bought months ago. You will instantly feel so much better.
6. Stop focusing on yourself all the time
By constantly thinking about yourself you tend to think of all the things you do wrong all the time. Long term speaking, this functions pretty much like brainwashing and you end up believing the worst about yourself. Learn to occasionally shift your focus to someone or something else, avoiding any kind of comparisons though.
7. Recall all of your achievements
Whenever your failures come back to haunt you, remember of your achievements. Remember all the reasons you have to be proud of yourself. It makes no difference if it is the great coffee you make or your promotion two years ago. What matters is how these achievements make you feel inside, you are the only one who can measure their importance.
Make all the above a permanent and regular part of your life and you will see your life changing for the better.