by Vicki Brown

Created on: July 14, 2009   Last Updated: May 30, 2010

Mothers interfere because they want their children to be happy. They want what's best for their children. And who knows these kids better than their mother. The urge to mother does not ebb just because the child has grown up and now has someone in their lives who they love very much. If anything the mother instinct grows stronger.

Mothers are mothers forever. The job description changes but it doesn't come to you in an email anymore than your baby came with an owner's manual. You mother until your child comes right out and says, "I love you mom. But, I'm an adult and you have to back off."

Yeah! Like that would ever happen. A more likely scenario is, "Mom get your act together or don't come here." My daughter threatened not to let me see my granddaughter unless I kept my opinions to myself. All of the things I had done for this ungrateful child flashed before my eyes. How dare she talk to me like that? As I thought about it later, it struck me that I wished I had said something like that to my mother and my mother-in-law.

When my daughter gave birth to my granddaughter, I was still a hands-on mother. Granted my kids were all in their twenties but they still needed me. Right? They called when they had a problem knowing I would listen no matter what time it was. The relationship between a mother and her child is at times very strong and at other times very fragile. Only the child has the option to go back to the old relationship. If the mother does, that fragile relationship can snap and come back in her face.

Of course I love it when they call and need me to listen. That makes me feel like a mom and that's who I am. First, last, and always I am a mother. But, I can't go back to being "motherly". Do you see the difference? If you do would you send me a message and explain it to me?

Okay, here's what I'm trying to say. A child can be an adult one moment and then revert back to childhood when they know only their mom will listen to them and not judge. But, a mother can't go back to the days when she directed the child's life. Even when you see them making bad decisions you have to keep your mouth shut and put your mom cap in a safe undisclosed location.

Interfering, even when it seems like they are asking for advice, is not a good idea. Yes it bothers me that my son's wife is more important to him than I am. But, as he said, he will always have a mother who loves him and will be there if he ever needs her.

I interfered in my daughter's life a lot more than I have

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