by Barbara Stanley

Created on: July 14, 2009   Last Updated: July 15, 2009

Why do mothers interfere in the marriages of their children? Most mothers who interfere do not do so with the awareness of interfering. They simply do not believe anyone else could possibly have their child's best interests at heart, at least not to the extent that a mother would. Because mothers love so deeply and unconditionally, they are often blind to the faults or bad habits their child might bring to a marriage. Naturally, whenever there is a disagreement in the marriage, the mother takes the side of her child, often meddling long after the couple has settled their disagreement. This, in no way, is to imply that all mothers react the same way. A great many mothers-in-law are objective and can see both sides of the argument.

There are some mothers who honestly believe their child's marriage will not survive unless they interfere. If a mother believes her child is inferior in some way, she will attempt to make up for what he or she lacks. These mothers are too eager to be an intricate part of the marriage, hoping to run interference, if needed, to keep the marriage from having problems. They do not realize they are the major problem.

Other moms are actually jealous that their child no longer places them first in their life. Whether they are aware of their meddling behavior or not, the result is the same. Their children begin to argue that the mother-in-law is hurting their marriage, These mothers insert themselves wherever possible. They try to push their child's mate out of the way, giving themselves the opportunity to stand or sit beside their child while traveling, at a dinner party, or other special event. The message they are trying to give is, "look at me, I am still first in my child's life." These mothers may even say or do very hurtful things to their sons or daughters-in-law, constantly showing them up in every matter.

There are always some mothers who honestly believe they are helping by running interference. Their only reason is to help both their own child and the spouse of their child.. Some people just do not realize they are doing more harm than good. Even if a mother has good intentions as she meddles in her child's marriage, her interference can still cause friction and ill feelings. Sometimes, a couple will ask his or her mom for advice about something concerning their marriage. This pulls the mother into a situation or decision to be made, giving the mother more information than she needs. She may begin to interfere, thinking her child invited her to get involved.

There are many reasons why mothers interfere in the marriages of their children. Taking a hard look at why she may be interfering will help you find answers to placing limits on her involvement in your life. Unless you are willing to hurt her feelings, if need be, you will have to live with the constant interference. By setting boundaries from the beginning, you will have far fewer arguments with your spouse over his/her mother. You will also feel free to make your own mistakes, begin your own traditions, and learn to settle your own disagreements.

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