by Ngozi Obanye-Stephen

Created on: July 14, 2009

Life as we know it is not perfect. Yet, there are some parents who try to relay this image to their children. They want to show perfection in all aspects of parenting, perhaps as a way of shielding them from life's dramas. However, trying to shield a child from the harsh world can be viewed as negative. Children can be very demanding, but parents have to realize that by giving in to their demands, does not mean that their needs are not being respected. By showing children that life is not perfect, can encourage their independence, equip them when dealing socially with other children, and when they reach adulthood.

Parents should teach children that some frustrations are part of life. I'm not advocating that a child see its parent continually in floods of tears. No, the odd unproductive day is quite healthy. For example, if mom is in a negative mood because of her domestic workload; cooking, cleaning and ironing, then she should explain to her child, and perhaps allow the child to help where necessary. This not only teaches the child about dealing with little frustrations, but also about the art of co-operation.

Adults sometimes make mistakes with their lives, so too can children. In fact, children should be taught that making mistakes is not a bad thing. Sometimes parents are too quick to help their children because it makes their lives easier. However, this method is not necessarily best for children, as they will learn by attempting to perform a task themselves. It can take time, and it can be overwhelming and frustrating for both child and adult. So, adults should try as much as possible to refrain from wanting to help, unless absolutely necessary, Be guided by the child and exert some patience. Even as an adult, some new tasks can be frustrating.

Children want to have their own way. but parents should not give into their demands all the time. Although soul destroying for parents, (because some young ones can make their parents feel like servants sometimes!) children too, can lose respect for their parents. Teaching children to wait patiently for material pleasures is not an easy task. Initially, there may be protestations, as they feels their needs are not being met immediately. However, it is better to give alternative suggestions as opposed to replying negatively. For example, mommy cannot paint with you right now. Wait until after lunch, and we can paint together. Being able to wait patiently, increases their sense of value.

Parents should teach children about other people's needs and priorities. This helps them to be equipped with life and independence coping skills, in life as we know it.

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