by Cheryl Williams

Created on: July 14, 2009   Last Updated: July 15, 2009

The problem is common. You've been married for several years. Not only can you finish one another's sentences, you can also predict the frequency, the day and the specific moves of lovemaking with one another. When you think of making love with your spouse, you take a deep breath and think "Ho-hum". Then you feel guilty for feeling that way. After all, this is the person who you are committed to love and cherish for the rest of your life.

Try as you may, you cannot get enthused about another session of mechanical sex. Sometimes it is all you can do to endure another session of mechanical sex. You find yourself thinking of everything else while you are "making love". You are balancing the budget in your mind, making a mental grocery list, thinking about your to-do list for the next day. As your thoughts run rampant, another thought is also present. And that thought is for the sex to soon be over with.

This doesn't sound like much of an endorsement for married sex, does it? That's because it isn't an endorsement. It is just the reality for far too many couples. However, there is good news. If you are in a sexual rut, it is because you have allowed yourself to be in a sexual rut. But the good thing about a rut is that you can actually get out of it if you try.

Here are 5 specific ideas to add some spice to your sex life. Don't be afraid to try them. It is important to go outside of your comfort zone and try something new.

- Make a date for sex, but not just your normal routine sex. Make it special. Think about it all during the day. Wear something different, whether a new scent or some sexy lingerie. Work up to it slowly, with a nice romantic dinner. Do not talk about anything else at dinner. No talk of children, bills, work or school. Focus on your relationship. Focus on each other. Notice the things that drew you together in the first place.

- Have sex in a different room. The bedroom is not the only room in the house. Use your imagination. There are other places to make love.

- Try something new. Do not go for your usual step-by-step sex. Mix it up. Surprise one another. Try a new position. You may like it. You may not. You may end up in laughter. The point is, you have tried something new and gotten out of your rut.

-Bring some kink into your sex life. Try some light bondage or a blindfold. Incorporate some toys into your lovemaking. Share your wildest fantasies with each other.

-Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay! For some reason, couples who have been married a long time try and rush through sex like they are in a contest of some kind. Foreplay becomes a time consuming annoyance. Couples can get so focused on intercourse itself that they forget how wonderful foreplay can be. A wonderful sexual aphrodisiac is to go for a few weeks focusing solely on foreplay, having no intercourse at all. It is amazing how sexually connected a couple can be after doing this. Soon they are hot lovers once again just as they were in the beginning of their marriage.

Sex is a wonderful part of marriage, and should not be neglected. Falling in to a rut is no excuse for staying in that rut. Start making plans today so that you can spice up your sex life tomorrow.

Learn more about this author, Cheryl Williams.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.