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So you look up as she walks by, the girl in the red satin dress, wearing a bright, effervescent smile. She catches your eye. You'd love to go and talk to her, get to know her, ask her out. You turn it over in your mind. Do you or don't you? Yes or no? It's nervewracking, working up the nerve to ask someone out. So you make an effort. You finally make a decision and take definite action. You get off your seat and walk up towards her, a drink in hand, muttering under your breath, role playing what you will say to her. And then, just as you get close enough to smell her perfume, your traitorous feet take a detour around and past her, your mind a gibbering mass of panic and your nerve completely shot to ribbons.

It's not easy to strike up a conversation with a stranger. The fear of rejection cripples us all, and when the stakes are romantic involvement, this fear can become disproportionately overwhelming. So how can you work up the nerve to ask someone out?

Firstly, pretend. Even if you don't feel confident, act confident. Practise this new found confidence with everyone, not just the girl of your dreams. Eventually, this act will cease being make-believe and become reality. This technique is called self-visualization.

A warm, welcoming smile works wonders. Instinctively, smiles beget smiles and as a greeting it is much more natural than any pick-up line dreamed up by hopeful men down the centuries. Even a simple Hello, how are you? is far more effective than a cheesy Your eyes have fallen from heaven opening line.

Don't rely on Dutch courage and put away that triple shot whisky. The most likely alcohol induced scenario is that you will make some unnoticed faux pas and insult, drive away and completely ruin the social situation.

Initiating a conversation is only the first step. To work up to asking her out, you must engage her interest, and there is nothing women like so much as a good conversationalist. Be genuinely interested and let the power of silence work its way into a natural, flowing conversation. Remember that a good conversation is also about listening well.

Ready to ask her out now? After an easy, relaxed conversation, it is easier to take the next step of asking for her number, or another meeting. Working up to that final question can pave the way to an affirmative answer, but even if she says no, don't despair.

Unlike the majority of people who let opportunities slip by passively, you've taken the plunge and given it a shot. Throw your line back in the sea and wait for another bite. There are other fish in the sea.

Learn more about this author, Peggy Tee.
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