by Adelani Aderemi

Created on: July 14, 2009

I know of two unfulfilled ambitions in the life of my late father. He wanted to write a book on the troubles of polygamy. He was greatly hindered by the lack of peace in his polygamous setting that he couldn't just settle down to put pen to paper. The other ambition was to see his large family united and begin to do things in common. On his death bed he lamented this and since he departed this world five years ago, unity has eluded all the eleven wives and thirty-four children who survived him.

One day as we shared a gourd of palm wine after his day's work, he began to reminisce on how he became a polygamist. He got married in 1956 to his first wife. He later discovered that this woman was far too gentle for his adventurous spirit, so he began to need a more sociable and outgoing person. So he began courting his second wife, who, apart from being younger, was also fair in complexion as my father was and she was also from a royal family. That meant class in those days.

His economy had improved greatly and in 1970, he joined the church. His fellowship group was an elitist one so he began to be ashamed of his illiterate wives. How could he attend social occasions with any of these two wives who could not speak a word of English? So he started courting a younger lady who was training to become a teacher. He even had to take over the sponsorship as he could not wait for the lady to finish school before the marriage. Was he satisfied when this literate person became his wife? No. Culture demanded that the youngest wife should cook his food but she was not too healthy. He also discovered that she was not all that exposed and was boring. He needed someone who had lived in the city before.

This made him to still look for a healthier woman who also had lived in Lagos for a long time. Then, Lagos was the capital of Nigeria. Her dressings, carriage, ascents and manner of doing things made him drunk with love for a while. However, this lady could not stay for too long in the village. She found village life very boring so she packed her things one day and eloped. In her 'fairness' to her husband, she left her two children; a boy of 7 and a girl of 4.

The need for timely meals and other housekeeping chores made my father to look for another woman to fill the vacuum left by the city woman. Now he got a civil servant with a cool mien. However, their problem started when job transfer came and the lady refused to leave the job as my father would have wanted.

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