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Reflections: Coping with your grown children's spouses

by tommi Johnston

Created on: July 14, 2009

The first time twenty-two year old Lori went home to her mother's house with bruises on her face; she took her daughter in and helped her heal. When Lori left that safety less than a week later to return to the man who had beaten her, her mother thought she'd lose her mind.

Lori was back to her mother's house within a month. Her lip was bloody and her right eye swollen shut. She was sobbing and saying something about a missing remote control. Her shirt was torn and she had no jacket. Her mother pulled Lori in through the door, took her in her arms and held her. When the coddling was done Mom insisted they call the police. Lori said she couldn't do that; it would only make things worse. They sat together and drank some hot tea and talked some more about protective orders and divorce lawyers. When Mom went to get the phone, Lori left quietly through the back door.

The next time Lori came for help, her father answered. He, too, was furious that someone could do this to his child. He, too, wanted to take her in his arms and make everything better. He, as a man, wanted to get a baseball bat and put her husband out of his misery. Instead, he hugged his eldest close to his chest but then firmly pushed her away. He grasped her shoulders and smiled a strong smile at her. He turned to dig around for something on the little table by the door. When his eyes met hers again he held a crisp white business card out to her. She stared at it and asked him where her mother was. He pushed the card closer to her without answering her question.

"This is a number for a battered woman's shelter Lori. They have counsellors who can help you figure this all out. When you get settled in, your Mom or I will come and visit you every day. We'll help you in any way we can financially and otherwise."

He slowly closed the door after he had spoken. He switched off the light just inside the door before turning his back completely to her. Lori could hear his slippered feet retreating. She knocked and then banged frantically on the door. He did not return to her pleas.

It was almost a year later that they heard Lori's voice on the phone. She had not spoken to her parents since they'd turned her away. Now, she said, she knew why they had and she wanted to thank them. She was safe she told them, in a shelter in another city. She said she wasn't going back home. They said they loved her and would see her soon. She whispered that her husband was in jail.

They were there for her within hours. They were there for her every day. And Lori got a second chance.

Learn more about this author, tommi Johnston.
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