For a few daunting swingers asking someone out is as simple as walking up to them and saying "Hey, how you doin'?" in typically Joey-from-Friends fashion. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't - and when it doesn't these confident, headstrong individuals just wander off and find someone else.

Not everybody can be this way, however. Indeed the majority, especially on the first few tries, will find themselves to be bundles of nerves while just thinking about that first request. And, if they proceed incorrectly, that request may never even slip out of their mind and past their lips.

Here are some tips for easing the tension of asking somebody out. With any luck they'll give you the courage you need to not only ask, but possibly succeed.

- First off, you need to recognize that being turned down is not the end of the world. Your life will not come crashing down after a rejection, regardless of how it feels. You'll probably build the rejection up to be much worse than it ever actually will be, so the longer you delay the worse the potential rejection will seem in your mind. Don't sweat it so much. The vast majority of the propositioned will, at worst, apologetically say 'no' and that'll be the end of it.

- You also need to recognize the benefits of what it'll be like if they say yes. I wouldn't recommend planning too far ahead, of course, but little daydreams about what could be will really help push you into making that fantasy a reality. (Don't go overboard, though, lest you build up your expectations too much.)

- Before you ask them, loosen up a bit. Do something fun beforehand. Don't concentrate solely on what you're going to say or practice it over and over in your head. Let the request come as a natural consequence of a conversation and you'll probably find it much easier to handle than a rehearsed script which is apt to fall apart.

- Talk about it with your friends. Pals are great for working up your confidence and letting you know what you have to offer that you may not have recognized yourself. They might also be able to toss in supplementary tips to make the whole process that much easier.

- Invite the person out somewhere. Doesn't need to be a date, just an outing where you want some company. Anything can happen on a day out, and you may be presented with the perfect situation to pop the question. You'll also ease any tension by having fun with them beforehand.

- Make it spontaneous. Don't set up a long line of stumbling reasons, just ask them out on the spot. That way you've forced yourself into the situation and won't be able to back out by swiftly changing the topic.

- And, most important, don't wait too long to do it. Not only do you risk entering the dreaded 'friend' zone but you build up your nerves to the point of being incapable of admitting your affections at all.

Whatever you do, don't get to the point where you automatically think asking will tally up to failure. It's never assured, no matter the situation, so give it a shot and see what happens. The end result could well be worth any amount of potential embarrassment.

Learn more about this author, Matt Bird.
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