by Danielle Zarcaro

Created on: July 13, 2009

Interfaith marriages are not at all doomed to fail. Faith is a tricky thing. If the husband or wife believes that their way of thinking about faith, religion, and spirituality is the only way of thinking and everyone else should think that way, then he or she will have a hard time being in a long-term relationship with someone of a different faith.

But faith and religion are interesting topics, and different types of religions can live in harmony. Odds are that by the time a couple is ready to marry, they have already had at least some sort of discussion of their different religions. If the couple hasn't talked about it or one of the people in the couple has a problem he or she isn't voicing, then the problem is not the fact that it is an interfaith marriage but is actually a communication problem. Also, many religions have such small differences that they probably wouldn't cause a huge rift in the relationship even if the couple differs in opinions.

Unfortunately, in our society (and many, many others) religion is almost like an end-all when thinking about spirituality. If you're a Christian, then you shouldn't possibly relate to Judaism; if you do, you're not a real Christian. Right? Well, actually, not at all. Religion is more of a type of history. Religions evolve, and in reality, each religion is mostly a reflection of one person's (or a group of people's) opinions on the origin of life and the mystery of death.

My own beliefs aside, religion is not absolute. It is like sexuality. It's fluid. And even if a person feels that their religion is, in fact, the ultimate truth, as long as he or she believes that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, the marriage should have no problems in the interfaith department.

The only possible problem different faiths can provide is where the couple actually gets married and how to raise the children. Most of the time, one person makes a sacrifice to get married in a ceremony of a different religion, but if both people want to celebrate their religion through marriage, it is possible in every non-orthodox religion to have two ceremonies. And those who are true practicing orthodox probably wouldn't even consider marrying someone of a different faith in the first place. Not all couples have children, and it is not uncommon to have children learn about multiple religions. If a person does feel that their child should be raised in only their religion, then someone might have to compromise - but it's far from doomed. Judaism even has an answer - the child is the religion of the mother.

There really is nothing about interfaith marriages that dooms them except for headstrong, closed-minded, or stubborn people. And those religions that don't allow for interfaith marriages or that discourage it wouldn't have an interfaith marriage to deal with, would they?

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