by Patricia Parker

Created on: July 12, 2009

"Hello?"

"May I speak to your mother, please?"

"No, she passed away two years ago."

"Oh, terribly sorry. May I speak to your father then?"

"No, he ran away with our next door neighbor last month."

Oh, terribly sorry again. May I speak to the lady of the house then?"

"No, she is stone deaf and doesn't use the telephone."

"Oh, I'm not having much luck here, am I? May I speak to your sister?"

"No, I don't have one."

"Oh, I was told you did have one. Are you sure you don't?"

"I'm sure. But I have six aunts and one sister-in law. Would that help?"

"Why, yes it would. May I please speak to one of them?"

"No, they live on a remote barrier island off the coast of Zanzibar."

"Where is that?"

"Its not too far from the coast of Madagascar."

"Oh, do they have telephone service there?"

"No, I don't think so. They still use carrier pigeons and tin cans with strings."

"Oh, then may I speak to your cleaning lady?"

"No, she doesn't work on Tuesdays."

"Oh, how about your dog walker? Is she available?"

"No, she's trying to find the cat. She hid under the car when the telephone rang."

"Oh, then who can I talk to at this telephone number?"

"Well, I guess you can talk to me."

"OK, who are you?"

"Jane Doe, I live here."

"Where?"

"Here."

"May I speak with you?"

"No."

"Why not? You sound nice.

"I'm just don't feel like talking to anyone today. Could you call back tomorrow between 1-4?

"Well, I guess I could. Will you be home then?"

"Are you going to call?"

"Yes, I am."

"Then I won't be home. Just make sure you call when I'm out."

"Well if I do that then I won't be able to talk to you, will I?"

"I'm afraid not."

"I think you're trying to avoid me."

"Whatever gave you that idea?"

"I don't know, just a strange feeling I'm getting."

"Do you get these strange feelings often?"

"Yes, in fact I do."

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that. I have a good doctor. Would you like his number?"

"Ah, I think I would. Do you have it handy?"

"Of course I do. But make sure you call him between noon and one because that's when he takes his lunch.

"Won't he mind being interrupted during lunch?"

"Probably."

"Well, thanks again for your time. It was a pleasure not talking to you. Hope to not talk to you again sometime soon. And, if you're ever in the market for an automatic potato peeler complete with six blades and a rotating cuff, just call me. For a limited time only, this special offer includes band-aids, gauze pads, antiseptic solution, and a pre-paid insurance policy. Its all right here in the fine print.

"Thanks. I'll make sure to call if the need arises."

"Bye now."

"Bye. Hope you find your cat."

Learn more about this author, Patricia Parker.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.