by Natalie Nicole Gilbert

Created on: February 06, 2007   Last Updated: May 02, 2007

Shyness really isn't always a bad thing, though it is frequently treated as though it needs to be cured.

Sure, if your shyness is so painful that you may go a day without speaking to anyone you come in contact with no matter how well you know them you may need to pause and give thought to what's making you so reticent. If it's a lack of confidence or a sense of intimidation, the greatest cure could be adding some friends to your inner circle that value you as you are and enable you to feel safe saying whatever may cross your mind.

For others, 'shyness' is really just a matter of having a social filter. When surrounded by others whom you don't know well, you may be inclined to filter the things you say, hoping not to land on a topic like politics or religion that may step on someone's toes. This isn't something to be treated. This is called tact or thoughtfulness.

There are also those who have an inclination to observe and study others. In it's extreme forms, this comes off as highly creepy (if you're a guy in a coffee shop staring at a girl for a solid 5 minutes, don't for a moment think she doesn't notice - she simply chooses not to let you know she knows and is avoiding any return of your glance). In it's lighter forms, this is merely curiosity, often bred in the minds of engineering and contemplative types who like to saturate their minds with the full brunt of all that is happening around them - perhaps to write or paint about later. In this case it's not so much that you have nothing to say, it's that you're saving your thoughts for a later time when someone gives you a penny for them. I've recently learned there is a beautiful scientific term for this - Mimetic Behavior. Read up on it in Erich Auerbach's 'Mimesis' or simply do a search for the term online.

No matter what your level of shyness may be there is a value in learning its cause or motivation, as well as making sure you have a space where you can unravel yourself and speak your mind independent of worrying about how your words may be received. Try to go a day without disclaimers. Host a party for your closer friends. Find a way to make your mind at home in your surroundings and see how your measure of shyness may change.

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