by Jac Emma John

Created on: July 12, 2009

Communication is an exchange and delivery of ideas between different people. Exchange means we give something and receive something in return. Therefore, communication is both parties talking out their thoughts or ideas and listening to the other's thoughts and ideas. In a parent-child relationship however, most parents have misused the word communication because when communication does happen, it is a time for the parents to talk while the child listens and hopefully accepts and obeys after that.

In order to establish an open and healthy communication with our child, we need to rip ourselves off our sense of superiority over our child. If we want to hear something that's from the bottom of his heart, we must prove to our child that we are communicating on the same platform, each having equal rights to voice our opinions.

When our child is ready to communicate and open up to us, we must refrain ourselves but interfering. Stay focus and listen intently. Do not judge. The reason why the child does not tell parents his true feelings or choices is because he fears the rejection or receiving negative feedback from the parents. He wants to live up to the parents' expectation and he will say something which he thinks the parents want to hear, but not what he really wants in order to get the approval from them.

Empathy is also very important when communicating with our child. It is no point for us to tell him to be positive and toughen up when he is bullied in school. This is as good as telling him he is too soft and thus inviting the bully to himself. We must show that we truly empathize with him and are willing to help him solve the problem by discussing the options with him.

Communication is truly an art that needed to be mastered, especially when we are dealing with our child. Most of us aren't even aware that we are using violent language when speaking to him because we think that only by inflicting physical pain can it be defined as violence. In fact, when we are harsh or judgmental or negative in our language, we are causing emotional pains to our child and this results in our child being timid or reserved. How do we expect the child who is so emotionally abused by our harsh language to be frank with us?

So parents, the next time when you are complaining about your child not having a communication with you regardless of how you try, think again. Did you really try to let him speak?

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