by Helena Metcalf

Created on: July 12, 2009

Have you ever had a friend come to you with marital woes, to which you replied, You should go see a marriage councilor? Did you leave the message at that, giving your friend time to ponder on his own while you went your merry way? Consider this: your friend was in need and you gave a suggestion as a solution to an immediate problem. Case closed? Well done!

Have you ever really thought about that suggestion? Do you have any idea how your friend received this message? Why is this even important? I'll tell you why. Sure you did your civic friendly duty by offering the best solution out there, a third party to hear both sides of the marital issue. However, what if your friend has never been to a marital councilor? What if your suggestion fell on deaf ears, but that really is where they should go? Why is that your fault? Because you did not take the extra time to ensure your friend understood your message.

The unspoken words are just as important as the ones we say. For example, let's take Robert and Maggie. Maggie suspects Robert of having an affair, but is unsure how to uncover the truth. Robert is your friend and he has come to you seeking advice. First of all, it took Robert a lot of courage to admit his marriage is in despair. He has most likely rationalized and analyzed all he can why his wife Maggie is behaving so suspiciously. He is obviously not having an affair as he probably told you from the first moments of your conversation; however he is now seeking help to point him in the right direction. Let's say you suggest marital counseling. Did that suggestion come to you because you've been to one? If so, relay your experiences in terms Robert can identify with. If you've never been to a councilor ever in your life, it is still your friendly duty to know a little about the suggestion you made in case Robert needs identification. Do not assume your long time friend understood your answer just because he nods and walks away. Learn the baseline behaviors of your friend if you don't know them, they are in dire need of the reason you are friends, and you could miss out on a huge opportunity.

If you were chosen to speak in a board meeting at work, you would be prepared with the topic, examples, marketing, budget proposals, etc. correct? Why should you slack on your preparation because the arena has changed? If Robert came to you seeking advice, this should tell you he has invested in the friendship and is finally cashing in on that down payment, just like

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