by Heather Rascon

Created on: July 11, 2009

First let's address the idea of a non-conformist teen. A non-conformist is someone who goes against the "norm". So is a non-conformist teen just someone who won't wear the same clothes as everyone else? Is it that they don't do risky behavior just to fit in with their friends? Or is it someone who questions everything and forms their own opinions and beliefs? Is it all of the above?

The most important thing to remember is that a person's actions will reflect how they see themselves. Someone who doesn't like him/herself will accordingly. They may become a bully, making others feel bad to feel better about themselves. They may try to change in order to be more accepted, to fit in. This includes following other kids, wearing the same clothes, acting the same way, saying and doing what they think others would like. It's all about feeling better about oneself. If a child feels good about himself, he will have enough self-confidence to be himself, not just what others want him to be.

If a child doesn't get enough love and affection at home, they will seek it elsewhere. This is where conforming comes in, blindly following others to get affection. Make sure your child knows he is loved and appreciated for exactly who he is. Again, self-confidence allows a person to be himself.

Do everything you can to boost your teen's self-confidence and self-worth. Praise his/her accomplishments and good qualities. But just as important teach your child to deal with failure and setbacks. Failure will happen and when it does your teen needs to know how to pick himself up and try again. He needs to know that not everyone will like him, he won't like everyone, and that's perfectly okay. We're all different and unique and that's what makes life interesting. Teach tolerance. The more you appreciate the uniqueness of others the more you'll appreciate uniqueness and difference in yourself.

Teach your children that it's okay to question the "norm". Question authority and rules in a respectful and curious way. Ask why do we have these rules but don't be disrespectful about it. Don't rebel just for the sake of rebelling. Ask why do people do the things they do and if it doesn't fit with your own values and beliefs, don't do it.

Promote independence. Let him make decisions on his own. Let him form his own opinions and respect those opinions even if they differ from yours. Agree to disagree. If she wants to dye her hair pink, I say let her. It grows out. Let her be different, develop her own self image. Now is the time in her life where she is discovering who she is, inside and out. So if she wants to be different on the outside, let her.

Let her choose her own extracurricular activities and hobbies. Don't make her play a sport she doesn't want to play just because you think it would be good for her. If you insist that she play a sport, let her pick which one even if it's boxing or karate. Letting your child be who he/she is instead of who you want him/her to be is the very first step in letting them know it's okay not to conform. As in all things parenting, it all starts at home.

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