by Jac Emma John

Created on: July 11, 2009   Last Updated: July 12, 2009

When we are young and nave, we believe that as long as we are deeply in love with each other, getting married will definitely leads us to happily ever after. Or is it? Marriage is really not a union purely between the man and the woman, marriage is a union between 2 families, and scarily, the size of the family can be shockingly huge at times.

A woman greatest fear is meeting the mother in law, and there is a valid reason behind this. Mother in law and daughter in law are generally not the best of pair in human relationship. Mom in law feels her position as the queen of the house is being threatened by this lady who steals her son from her. The wife on the other hand, gets frustrated seeing the mom in law continuously treating her husband as the young child who is still in kindergarten and interfering with their new household matters day in and day out.

Is it impossible to have a good relationship with your mother-in-law? Well, it depends on how you define the word good. If good relationship means a cordial relationship which you respect and love each other but need not necessarily be so close to each other that you have to share your views openly and honestly all the times, then I think it is possible to develop this good relationship with your mom-in-law.

Respect is a very important element in maintaining a good relationship with your mom-in-law. Approach her with an open mind, never turn on your defensive mode as if you are going on a battle. If you cannot agree with her comments or suggestions, it is best to let her know your own belief without making her feels humiliated or neglected. There will be times when both just cannot see eye to eye and may have some grudges against each other. Do not let these grudges live on and poison your thoughts and judgments. When you meet your mom-in-law again the next time, she may still be cold towards you over the previous incident but you must ALWAYS forget the past and deal only with the present.

In a relationship with mom-in-law, honesty may not always be the best policy. If your mom-in-law is commenting on certain issues or gossiping about her sisters, she is probably just trying to vent off her frustration. In cases like this, the safest policy is to listen attentively but not to comment. Try to be empathetic with her. Your position as a daughter-in-law is not to Teach or tell her what to do. This job is best left to her own daughters or your husband, her son.

Please do not think that I am suggesting hypocrisy in dealing with your mom-in-law. The development of a good relationship with your mom-in-law requires hard work, and you can't fake your way through many years. It takes many years to train the doctors and lawyers, so it also make sense when I say it takes many years to train a good mom-in-law.

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