Rowdy children? I had two of them! Never mind that they're now in their teens and perfectly lovely. It's easy to forget those early years when I can now take them in public and have grown adults gush about their wonderful manners as they talk about the delightful conversation they just had with one of them. But I can assure you they were hellions growing up!
Early signs of future challenges came in the form of the little amount of sleep each child seemed to require. I remember after my first one, I lamented to my husband that it had been over a year since I had a full nights rest. Neither child slept during the day either! The baby books all talked about two long naps per day and I was lucky to get one short one. For my children, it was late to bed and early to rise. And those kids packed more into one day than anyone I know! They were constantly on the go. One example of a typical day occurred when my son was just about 3 years old. I took him shopping with me to the local mall and we were enjoying a slice of pizza when he suddenly bolted from his chair and began running down the mall. I quickly threw away what was left of dinner and ran in hot pursuit. His first stop was at a gift shop. He grabbed a handful of dried flowers and threw them into the mall with a delighted squeal, then took off again. I quickly picked up the flowers and put them back in their rightful place. I would have caught him too, had it not been for the basket that fell over as he dashed by! That too, I righted as I quickly apologized to the astonished shopkeeper. It took several minutes, but I finally caught the little rascal and we went home. I'm sure we had a talk about appropriate behavior in the mall and while that particular incident never happened again, it was always something.
I remember having many conversations with friends on the challenges of raising children. The general consensus was that if one child were difficult, the next one would be easier. In fact, the term used was "good baby" and "bad baby". Although I loved my son dearly, I was convinced that he was the "bad baby" and after 5 years, we finally got enough energy and courage to try for the "good baby". That's when I realized that my son was the good baby! It's hard to imagine, but my daughter was even more unmanageable. Again, there was a ton of energy. This child would get up in the middle of dinner and skip rope or roller skate around the house. She had plenty of daring too. I remember looking out of the second story window to see that we were eye level with each other because she had decided to climb the evergreen tree. She was only about five years old so it was a frightening realization that she was so far off the ground! But she made it down again without a scratch. My little whirlwind threw temper tantrums and was so strong willed that I occasionally had to remind myself that I was the adult. I shuddered to think how difficult my life would be if I ever gave her the sense that she was in charge!
Now, you may read this and see me as the worst mother in the world. But, as I mentioned, my children are teenagers now and they turned out better than okay. So, what did I do? Early on, I recognized that life would be better for all of us if I didn't sweat the small stuff, but acted like an adult when it came to something important. For example, when my 3-year old daughter refused to wear certain kinds of clothing, what difference did it make? With so many battles to pick, that didn't need to be one of them. Yes, the clothing from relatives often went to Goodwill with the tags still on them, but it gave my daughter control over something that was important to her. As for the roller-skating during dinner...well, I decided that wasn't worth fighting either. I gained small concessions by having her ask to be excused first and we discussed how this was not appropriate behavior at other people's houses.
However, when my son or daughter exhibited behavior that hurt other people, I was firm in naming and enforcing the consequences. It didn't matter that tears and apologies were flowing like lava; both needed to understand that some actions were unacceptable. While discipline was required for serious misconduct, it was done in a loving and consistent manner. There were hugs afterwards and a discussion to make sure the reason for the punishment was understood. As a parent, it's our jobs to make sure our children are ready for the world and without love and discipline, surely they won't turn into the kind of adults any of us want to be around. A final word of wisdom in raising rowdy children is to include lots and lots of age appropriate activities. My children needed an opportunity to run, play and make friends. So, no five star restaurants for us! Instead there were plenty of trips to the park, hikes, swimming and play dates. And to help them calm down at the end of the day, we finished with a bath and lots of reading time.
Obviously, it's been a long time since my children were little. There were days that I questioned my stamina and parenting abilities. Was I making a difference? Would my children ever appear civilized in public? But slowly, with each passing year, my kids went from little devils to charming teens. I almost forgot how bad it was until a family friend, who had observed my children at annual, formal holiday dinners in her home, stated, "I can't believe these are the same children! I was convinced you were in for a lot of trouble!" I looked at my son who was interacting with a crowd of adults while my daughter was busy entertaining a toddler while his mother ate. My friend was right; I now had two great kids. We had all come a long way!